Monday, 15 June 2009

Do you ever bore yourself?

I sat there quiet. Shocked. Not quite sure what to make of the question.
Ok, so I can talk for England and sometimes I can go on a little bit, but I'm funny and entertaining too. Right?!

Yes, I really did get asked this question the other week. But it was more a query and search for reassurance. Not a reflection of my intriguing chatter or all round entertaining qualities!!!

But yesterday, possibly for the first time ever, I did actually bore myself. So much so, that as the tiresome words were coming out of my mouth I was having a completely independent conversation with myself (in my head) about just how boring I was actually being. So much so, that I actually stopped and declared, "I'm bored of this. I'm bored of myself!"

The cause of my boringness?!
My selfishness. My desire to be right. My need to be heard. For my feelings to be validated.

I was upset. And in being upset I totally missed the point of Ephesians 4:29.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29

In my upset, I spoke words that did not build up or benefit the person that was hearing them. In my upset, I spoke words that were not helpful or wholesome,to myself or the listener. In my upset, I spoke and spoke and spoke, hoping that my feelings would be validated and I would come away knowing that I was right. I was so wrong!
Instead I just got boring, monotonous, wearisome and dull. My words hitting my surroundings like the constant patter of the rain outside. Grey, miserable and not very encouraging.

I learnt that sometimes the best thing to do is just be quiet. And not say anything.
That it may benefit those who listen.

Sometimes the best thing to do is hand it to God. His patience and mercy are never ending. Amazingly, He'll never get bored of my words. But, with His strength and guidance, they'll change to be less miserable and wearisome, and more wholesome, encouraging, helpful and beneficial. That it may benefit those who listen.

Do you ever struggle with your words?
Do you ever bore yourself?

**edited to add**
I just realised that I've already challenged myself about Ephesians 4:29 here!
Obviously something I need to work harder at!!!

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