I can’t run on a treadmill. At all. It’s true!
It’s not just that I don’t like running on a treadmill, or I find it hard to run on a treadmill. I actually can’t run on a treadmill. At all. I find it impossible!
Don’t believe me? Ask the guy at the running shop where I bought my trainers! I felt like a right wally that day! I don’t know what was worse…demonstrating my complete lack of ability to run on a treadmill, or running up and down the street outside with my trousers tucked in my socks so that the guy (and everyone else sitting in the traffic) could watch me run!
I’m not sure if it’s a mental thing. You see, I don’t really see the point of running on a treadmill. It seems a little unnatural to me to run and not go anywhere. For the ‘ground’ to be moving but you’re staying still. To be working so hard and going great distances, but be inside and surrounded by the same things.
When I run I like to run outside, I like to take in the surroundings and enjoy the view. Even though I start and finish at the same place I like to feel that I have been somewhere. I like to see my progress in physical terms, in relation to landmarks. I like to run with friends, to have a natter and a giggle and enjoy the company.
I’m not a massive runner. I trained for 5 months to run 5.5 miles of the Edinburgh marathon last year. And that was an effort. Then I got pregnant and just getting out of bed became my daily exercise!!!
Anyway, I was thinking about some of the recent teaching at church on flying. Or rather the bit about not flying but ‘taxiing’. The idea that we have the potential to fly, we know about flight, but we spend our life sat on the runway not actually flying.
This really struck a chord with me. Well actually, it really hurt to hear it. To know that this is how I feel and that, to be honest, it sucks. But it also hurt because I feel like I have been working hard trying to fly but not really getting anywhere. A bit like an aeroplane ‘flapping’ its wings to get off the ground! Totally ridiculous!
God spoke to me in the last few days. He showed me a picture of someone running on a treadmill. I laughed as I thought about my inability to do such a simple thing and God spoke to me some more.
I was not created to run on a treadmill (thank goodness!). I was not created to work so hard and yet not go anywhere. And I was not created to wear myself out trying!
I was created to fly! I was created to go somewhere, see some things and have some great company along the way.
But with God being my energy, power, strength, lift, ability, source, guide and pilot, not me.
Thursday, 4 February 2010
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
Tummy Tuesday - 29 & 30 weeks
I was bad last week, and though I took photos of the tummy I never got round to uploading them. So this week there is a slight catch up.
The first two photos are from last week - at 29 weeks. There's the standard side on view along with a slightly different angle...just for a change!
(Please ignore the messy hair and slightly gormless look!)
Then this one is this week's entry - 30 weeks!
So that means...10 weeks until the due date! I can count that down on my fingers and thumbs! That makes it slightly scary and real and close! (I am aware that the likelihood of it arriving on it's due date is slim to none but that just makes it all a bit more scary!)
Other things of note this week:
- I wish I'd documented what has turned out to be the fascinating changes of my belly button (for my personal entertainment only)! Seriously, I had no idea a single belly button could change shape, size and form so much. So far it's still an inny...but I think the progression to an outy is not far away!
- I have tried in vain to capture the various wriggles and kicks for your viewing pleasure, but it would appear that my unborn child is as camera shy as it's mother. It's also too smart for it's own good already and always stops wriggling just as I press record on the camera. How on earth does it know?!
- oh yeah, and I've started to get to the point where certain parts of getting dressed and undressed are a bit more tricky than usual! Putting on socks and shoes is a particular effort. And, as I found out in the middle of the supermarket the other day, picking pennies up off the floor is a complete faff and totally not worth the struggle. If only I'd known it was just a penny before I made such a plonker of myself!
Happy Tuesdays xxx
Monday, 1 February 2010
Flying, Fears and Bumble Bees
How would I define the last few days?
With tears and snot and lots of tissues. With confusion, frustration and lots of struggling. With openness and hurts and lots of vulnerability.
"Life is about change. Sometimes its painful, sometimes its beautiful but most of the time its both." ~ Smallville*
To be honest, it’s been longer than the last few days. But every now and then the pain of change comes to a point where it needs to be released and the tears start to flow, and don’t always seem to stop.
I’m grateful for the great teaching we are receiving at church right now. For the challenge to work through and break down those things that keep us bound so that we can fly.
And I’m grateful for the challenge from Bianca to be honest about ourselves and our struggles. For the call to face our fears and be real, genuine, authentic.
I’m grateful for the work that God is doing in me and hopefully through me. Revealing the ungodly beliefs and insecurities, restoring my true identity, healing my pain and fears.
But flippin’ ‘eck! It’s tough. And it hurts. And it leaves no space for false masks and cover ups. The tears would only soak through anyway!
Slowly I’m learning to let go of the things the world says I can and can’t do. I’m learning to listen to what God thinks of me, not others. I’m learning to live according to His potential in me. Free, unbound and flying.
“Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it keeps flying anyway” ~Mary Kay Ash
*I would just like it to be known that I don’t actually watch smallville, I’m too old and uncool for that. But I read this quote somewhere else and had to use it and I’m too honest to let people think I came up with it myself!
With tears and snot and lots of tissues. With confusion, frustration and lots of struggling. With openness and hurts and lots of vulnerability.
"Life is about change. Sometimes its painful, sometimes its beautiful but most of the time its both." ~ Smallville*
To be honest, it’s been longer than the last few days. But every now and then the pain of change comes to a point where it needs to be released and the tears start to flow, and don’t always seem to stop.
I’m grateful for the great teaching we are receiving at church right now. For the challenge to work through and break down those things that keep us bound so that we can fly.
And I’m grateful for the challenge from Bianca to be honest about ourselves and our struggles. For the call to face our fears and be real, genuine, authentic.
I’m grateful for the work that God is doing in me and hopefully through me. Revealing the ungodly beliefs and insecurities, restoring my true identity, healing my pain and fears.
But flippin’ ‘eck! It’s tough. And it hurts. And it leaves no space for false masks and cover ups. The tears would only soak through anyway!
Slowly I’m learning to let go of the things the world says I can and can’t do. I’m learning to listen to what God thinks of me, not others. I’m learning to live according to His potential in me. Free, unbound and flying.
“Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it keeps flying anyway” ~Mary Kay Ash
*I would just like it to be known that I don’t actually watch smallville, I’m too old and uncool for that. But I read this quote somewhere else and had to use it and I’m too honest to let people think I came up with it myself!
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Big Word Wednesday #9
It’s back!
Yay for the return of Big Word Wednesday!
Restoration
- the restoring of something that was removed
- the restoring of something to an earlier and usually better condition
Restore
- to return something to its proper owner or place
- to bring something back to an earlier or better condition
- to give somebody new strength and vigour
- to re-establish or put back something that was once there but is no longer
Life can be a mixed bag. Sometimes things are great. Sometimes they’re not. Sometimes we love who we are and how we are. Sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we can understand and see God working in us. Sometime we can’t.
In our humanness we cope, we survive, we deal with life by putting up barriers and building walls. Or we give of ourselves and loose parts of who we are in our search for acceptance, for love, for belonging.
We get to a point where we are beaten, broken, crumbling and generally just a wreck. We plaster over the cracks so no one will see our mess. We put another wall up to keep the brokenness private and inside. We retreat from being our whole self into occupying just a corner or who we were created to be.
I love the programme Grand Designs. My favourite episodes aren’t those where people have crazy, wild ideas for new, innovative, space-age houses. But those where they take an old wreck, a dilapidated chaos of what was once a structure. And they lovingly bring it back to life so they can live there. They take the time and care to understand the building, to understand the original structure and its uniqueness. They bring about restoration by removing things that shouldn’t be there. They replace details that should be there. They reveal the original beauty of the building, and in doing so allow themselves and others to fall in love with it even more.
Although I don’t always see it, I was created as a beautiful temple. In my weakness I have put up walls to help give me strength. In my insecurities I have closed doors and covered details to keep things hidden. In my faithlessness I have become broken and cracked.
I need restoration. I need a restorer.
I need a God that will be my strength when I am weak. I need a God that will see my unique details and reveal them. I need a God that will heal my brokenness and renew my faith.
In what ways have you tried to alter your original structure? What walls have you put up? What doors have you closed? Where are you broken and cracked?
What dreams have you hidden? What treasures have you allowed people to take away? What mess are you trying to cover?
Will you allow the God who created you and understands you to take time and care over you? Will you allow Him to remove the things that shouldn’t be there? Will you allow Him to replace and reinstate the details and the dreams that should be there? Will you allow Him to bring you back to life so He can live in you? Will you allow yourself to undergo a restoration?
Yay for the return of Big Word Wednesday!
Restoration
- the restoring of something that was removed
- the restoring of something to an earlier and usually better condition
Restore
- to return something to its proper owner or place
- to bring something back to an earlier or better condition
- to give somebody new strength and vigour
- to re-establish or put back something that was once there but is no longer
Life can be a mixed bag. Sometimes things are great. Sometimes they’re not. Sometimes we love who we are and how we are. Sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we can understand and see God working in us. Sometime we can’t.
In our humanness we cope, we survive, we deal with life by putting up barriers and building walls. Or we give of ourselves and loose parts of who we are in our search for acceptance, for love, for belonging.
We get to a point where we are beaten, broken, crumbling and generally just a wreck. We plaster over the cracks so no one will see our mess. We put another wall up to keep the brokenness private and inside. We retreat from being our whole self into occupying just a corner or who we were created to be.
I love the programme Grand Designs. My favourite episodes aren’t those where people have crazy, wild ideas for new, innovative, space-age houses. But those where they take an old wreck, a dilapidated chaos of what was once a structure. And they lovingly bring it back to life so they can live there. They take the time and care to understand the building, to understand the original structure and its uniqueness. They bring about restoration by removing things that shouldn’t be there. They replace details that should be there. They reveal the original beauty of the building, and in doing so allow themselves and others to fall in love with it even more.
Although I don’t always see it, I was created as a beautiful temple. In my weakness I have put up walls to help give me strength. In my insecurities I have closed doors and covered details to keep things hidden. In my faithlessness I have become broken and cracked.
I need restoration. I need a restorer.
I need a God that will be my strength when I am weak. I need a God that will see my unique details and reveal them. I need a God that will heal my brokenness and renew my faith.
In what ways have you tried to alter your original structure? What walls have you put up? What doors have you closed? Where are you broken and cracked?
What dreams have you hidden? What treasures have you allowed people to take away? What mess are you trying to cover?
Will you allow the God who created you and understands you to take time and care over you? Will you allow Him to remove the things that shouldn’t be there? Will you allow Him to replace and reinstate the details and the dreams that should be there? Will you allow Him to bring you back to life so He can live in you? Will you allow yourself to undergo a restoration?
Monday, 25 January 2010
A train, some rain and other weekend things...
I don't know what it is about train journeys but, even though they provide hours of potential useful time to read or listen or get stuff done, I just want to sit and gaze out of the window. Everytime I have a train journey planned I think carefully about what I could do with the time, what I could read, what I could sew, what I could write, knowing deep down that I'm not going to risk doing any of these things. I'm not going to risk having my head in a book or my focus on an activity which means I miss something wonderful outside.
I love just watching the scenery go by and the changes in landscape and weather. I love chuckling at the sheep running aimlessly across the fields and the cows watching you pass by. I loved the hills still covered in snow and the frozen ponds and rivers. I love observing the people I'm sharing the journey with (not in a weird stalker-ish way), taking in their habits and uniquenesses.
I couldn't possibly fully engage in anything else, I'm too busy just taking everything in. I don't even spned the time thinking deep thoughts. I just kinda zone out!
So this was how I spent 4 hours of my Thursday last week...just watching, observing, enjoying...and taking it all in.
I had a great time catching up and spending time with family. It all just seems to have gone by so fast!
Once again I was rubbish at taking any photos...this was mainly due to the typical Manchester weather (grey, wet, miserable). But also I was too busy just relaxing, observing, enjoying and taking everything in.
And sometimes that's all that is needed.
I love just watching the scenery go by and the changes in landscape and weather. I love chuckling at the sheep running aimlessly across the fields and the cows watching you pass by. I loved the hills still covered in snow and the frozen ponds and rivers. I love observing the people I'm sharing the journey with (not in a weird stalker-ish way), taking in their habits and uniquenesses.
I couldn't possibly fully engage in anything else, I'm too busy just taking everything in. I don't even spned the time thinking deep thoughts. I just kinda zone out!
So this was how I spent 4 hours of my Thursday last week...just watching, observing, enjoying...and taking it all in.
I had a great time catching up and spending time with family. It all just seems to have gone by so fast!
Once again I was rubbish at taking any photos...this was mainly due to the typical Manchester weather (grey, wet, miserable). But also I was too busy just relaxing, observing, enjoying and taking everything in.
And sometimes that's all that is needed.
Thursday, 21 January 2010
A few days away...
I've taken today and tomorrow off work and I'm travelling down to 'sunny' Greater Manchester to spend some time with my family. I did think about trying to blog whilst there, or pre-scheduling some posts to appear whilst I'm away. But as every evening this week has been full of activities, I decided to just have a break and allow myself to enjoy chilling out and spending time with family. And to take some time to go through all the things going round in my head at the moment!
I'm looking forward to returning next week, refreshed and ready to go! And I'm also thinking that there might be a return of the Big Word Wednesday (although any word over 4 letters is currently making it onto the big word list!) and I hope to have some photos to liven up my very wordy posts!
So, I hope everyone has a great weekend!
xxx
I'm looking forward to returning next week, refreshed and ready to go! And I'm also thinking that there might be a return of the Big Word Wednesday (although any word over 4 letters is currently making it onto the big word list!) and I hope to have some photos to liven up my very wordy posts!
So, I hope everyone has a great weekend!
xxx
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
Green Eyes
She wasn’t even talking to me. But what she said made something ugly rise up in me.
I was intruding on a nearby conversation (a bad habit of mine) when she shared with her friends the amazing opportunity she was hoping to embark on soon. They ooh-ed and aah-ed and excitedly asked her more questions. I just saw green.
I didn’t even know her, but now I disliked her.
I disliked her for the simple fact that I was jealous of her. I was jealous of the opportunity she was getting that I desperately wanted. I was jealous of the fact that she was going to do things and go places in life that I wanted to experience too. I was jealous of her because, at that point, life didn’t seem fair.
I’m ashamed to say it now, but my insecurities about my own future allowed me to envy and even object to someone else stepping into a great opportunity. My wrong understanding of what I need to fulfil God's purpose in me allowed my heart to harden and become bitter.
The truth is, I think that I need certain opportunities, prospects, experiences and openings for God to be able to use me or for the dreams in my heart to come to pass.
The truth is, I think that I need to follow a certain path or fit a certain model.
The truth is, I think that I will be left on the side lines, being a spectator until these things happen for me.
But the truth is…this isn’t true at all.
Within about 5 seconds of seeing green I realised exactly what was going on inside my heart. I realised that my insecurities, my fears, my lack of understanding and faith in how God works was making me ugly. And I chose there and then that I didn’t want to be ugly.
I don’t always understand how God works, how His timing is perfect, how He provides and equips. But I am choosing to live under His guidance and to do life His way. I am choosing to leave behind my preconceived ideas of what I need to do or how I need to get there. I am choosing to celebrate with those who are released into great opportunities. I am choosing to believe that God knows exactly what I need and how I need it, and that it may be very different from those around me.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23
I was intruding on a nearby conversation (a bad habit of mine) when she shared with her friends the amazing opportunity she was hoping to embark on soon. They ooh-ed and aah-ed and excitedly asked her more questions. I just saw green.
I didn’t even know her, but now I disliked her.
I disliked her for the simple fact that I was jealous of her. I was jealous of the opportunity she was getting that I desperately wanted. I was jealous of the fact that she was going to do things and go places in life that I wanted to experience too. I was jealous of her because, at that point, life didn’t seem fair.
I’m ashamed to say it now, but my insecurities about my own future allowed me to envy and even object to someone else stepping into a great opportunity. My wrong understanding of what I need to fulfil God's purpose in me allowed my heart to harden and become bitter.
The truth is, I think that I need certain opportunities, prospects, experiences and openings for God to be able to use me or for the dreams in my heart to come to pass.
The truth is, I think that I need to follow a certain path or fit a certain model.
The truth is, I think that I will be left on the side lines, being a spectator until these things happen for me.
But the truth is…this isn’t true at all.
Within about 5 seconds of seeing green I realised exactly what was going on inside my heart. I realised that my insecurities, my fears, my lack of understanding and faith in how God works was making me ugly. And I chose there and then that I didn’t want to be ugly.
I don’t always understand how God works, how His timing is perfect, how He provides and equips. But I am choosing to live under His guidance and to do life His way. I am choosing to leave behind my preconceived ideas of what I need to do or how I need to get there. I am choosing to celebrate with those who are released into great opportunities. I am choosing to believe that God knows exactly what I need and how I need it, and that it may be very different from those around me.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23
Friday, 15 January 2010
Plans
I have a huge long list of things to get through this weekend...ok that might be a slight exaggeration...but still, I do feel like there's a lot to do. So, I think I'll write myself a 'to-do' list!
Some are things I really want to do...like some sewing I've been planning, taking some photos (weather dependent!)...and going to look at prams! (These will go at the top of the list!)
Others are things I really need to do...like cleaning and ironing* and just generally getting my life back into some sort of organised manner (these will go at the bottom of the list!)
But I'll probably just end up watching too much tv, spending too much time on the computer, sleeping in too much and eating too much (this is currently not my fault!). Then on Sunday night I'll have a major panic and stress out about all the things still on the list! And then I'll need to take some time to rest (probably with some chocolate) just to get over the stress!!!
Plans eh?!
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
Proverbs 16:9
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21
Happy Weekend x
* I know some people think that I am crazy for even bothering to iron things (my husband happens to be one of those people) but I just prefer things when they are ironed. I feel that it is my responsibility to make sure we look our best as a family and I think my minor OCD-ness would actually stop me from walking outside wearing something I know is not ironed. But it's ok cos God created me this way! I just wish He also created me to do the ironing more frequently so that a scale model of the Himalayas weren't growing in the spare room/bedroom/kitchen!
Some are things I really want to do...like some sewing I've been planning, taking some photos (weather dependent!)...and going to look at prams! (These will go at the top of the list!)
Others are things I really need to do...like cleaning and ironing* and just generally getting my life back into some sort of organised manner (these will go at the bottom of the list!)
But I'll probably just end up watching too much tv, spending too much time on the computer, sleeping in too much and eating too much (this is currently not my fault!). Then on Sunday night I'll have a major panic and stress out about all the things still on the list! And then I'll need to take some time to rest (probably with some chocolate) just to get over the stress!!!
Plans eh?!
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
Proverbs 16:9
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21
Happy Weekend x
* I know some people think that I am crazy for even bothering to iron things (my husband happens to be one of those people) but I just prefer things when they are ironed. I feel that it is my responsibility to make sure we look our best as a family and I think my minor OCD-ness would actually stop me from walking outside wearing something I know is not ironed. But it's ok cos God created me this way! I just wish He also created me to do the ironing more frequently so that a scale model of the Himalayas weren't growing in the spare room/bedroom/kitchen!
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