So, I'm back to work this week after a wonderful 9 months of full-time motherhood (well 1 month of waiting and 8 months of motherhood)! And with the return to work comes a very mixed bag of feelings.
I had a wonderful weekend at church spending some quality time with some quality ladies and a very quality God. God spoke to me in numerous ways about a variety of instances, circumstances, behaviours, attitudes, beliefs, hopes and dreams. And He began to 'de-mist' some of the fogginess that has covered the last few years.
In some areas of my life I feel I have been striving to move forward but have actually been regressing. I have struggled to understand why some things seemed so hard, like I was on a conveyer belt going the wrong way. 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. 1 step forward, 12 steps back!
But now I know that it's ok. That God is taking me back and stripping away the things that are not of Him. The lies I believed, the circumstances I allowed to influence me, the approval I seek from others.
Where I have been putting a plaster over the wounds and 'soldiering on', He has been opening the sores, cleaning the wounds properly (which hurts!) and allowing them to heal in the right way. Through lots of tears and blotchy faces (not attractive) He has been deepening and strengthening my roots in Him. Removing the rubble and building stronger foundations. And although it has been hard, I am so thankful that He loves me enough to take the time to get my heart right.
So, like I say, I'm back at work and in some ways it feels as though I have never been away. I am sat at the same desk, working on the same project, plugging the same data into the same spreadsheets. In fact, re-doing the exact same data I analysed before I left. See how I feel like things are regressing!!!