Learning to Love

12 in 2012 - January

2012-01-31T09:00:00.000Z

After one month of aiming (rather ridiculously) high and trying to encompass 12 things into life...how am I getting on? Well...
1. To read my Bible more
I started off well with this and picked up my Bible in one year...which was still bookmarked at April from the last time I attempted to read the Bible in one year! Although I haven't been doing it every night, or even most nights, I have been reading a day or two once snuggled up in bed before switching off for the night. And I am enjoying reading parts of the Bible I would probably never otherwise read.

2. To memorize Scripture
If I'm honest, I have not even attempted this yet! My brain is currently a total mush and I nearly flooded the bathroom the other night because I forgot I'd started to run a bath! Hopefully next month I will start to post verses up around the place to help with this.

3. To pray more
I haven't really been journalling my prayers, but I have been praying more. The walk home from work provides a great opportunity to chat some things through with God...or just listen to Him. But it's not so easy to write and walk...although making notes in my phone has been useful, as long as I still remember to watch where I'm walking!

4. To be more thankful and content
Establishing a habit of saying thank you prayers with Ethan before his bedtime has helped a little with this. Some of the things he thinks to say thank you for are great reminders for what is actually important (although I'm not sure beards is one of them). But if I'm honest, the being content thing is not going well at all!

5. To watch less tv
So...I'm writing this while the tv is on in the background...which it tends to be most evenings! But I have managed to avoid getting 'sucked' into watching things I didn't want to, which has helped with some of the items below.

6. To read more
As I mentioned in my recent reads post, I was quite productive on the reading front over Christmas. I am still plodding on with a couple of books at the moment but they're a bit hard going. I've also been trying to read at lunchtimes at work, rather than wander round the sales or browse the internet...but then I struggle to put the book down and go back to my desk!!!

7. To take more photos and craft more
Hopefully the photos and posts on this blog will testify to my efforts in this area. And I did make some lovely napkins for my brother and sister-in-law...but I forgot to take any photos of them before I handed them over! Fail :(

8. To bake more
You've seen the biscuits, and I made cake too, but I do need to pick things up in this area. In terms of consuming baked goods...I've been amazing at that!!!

9. To encourage and uplift the women in my life
I'm not really sure that I'm the best person to review this item, but I have tried to listen well and encourage when I have an opportunity. I have been trying to not just think about doing something encouraging, but to actually do it...and if I do it when I think about it I'm less likely to forget!

10. To compare myself with others less
Lets just say...'could do better'.

11. To wear a dress or skirt at least once a week
I'm totally going to blame this on the extreme weather. I did wear a dress on our girly day in York, but I came home with cold knees! I'll definitely make more of an effort from now on.

12. To do more stuff with my hair
I have decided that I really need to get a hair cut. After 7 months, I think it's about time. I have been trying to vary the styles and methods of tying my hair up...but getting photographic evidence has been a little more problematic. But I have witnesses if anyone is really that interested!

So, that's January over already...I think I'd also like to find a way to stop time whizzing by so fast. Any ideas?!

We love to draw

2012-01-30T09:30:00.000Z

Using a freezer bag to store Ethan's crayons was not the coolest thing...so I made him a pencil case from a pair of daddy's old jeans.

Now we carry our colouring pencils around in style!

And it also gave me a slightly obscure reason to show my new cake stand! Isn't it lovely?! Just so simple but classic. Now I just need to bake more cakes to display on it!

A day away with the ladies...

2012-01-29T20:00:00.000Z

All in all a lovely day with lots of girly chat and catching up with friends.
This is something I need to do more often...tea, cake and chat are definitely gifts from God!

Our Jan 2012

2012-01-28T14:00:00.000Z

Another round of photos from my phone during the month of January!
p.s. I know we're not at the end of January yet, but I'm away today catching up with friends in York and I'm hoping to have loads of photos to share from that.

1. An alternative use for packaging!
2. The new cool calendar 'we' were given for Christmas...up and doing its job!
3. A very apt t-shirt
4. Failing at trying to take a picture of my hair to show I'm trying the different hairstyles thing (12 in 2012!)...but look at how sparkly my ring is!!!
5 & 6. First visit to the recently refurbished library...playing with the toys and not reading any books!
7. Showing daddy how to play the instruments at the museum.
8. Play-doh!
9. Traveling is tiring!
10. My lovely new flask...it has been used already.
11. I always knew I'd built a house one day...
12. ...complete with roof garden!
13. A new pencil case for the E-man made from daddy's old jeans.
14. Regretting trying the straddle the step length-ways!
15. I'm not always sure how I feel about seeing the moon as I leave work....pretty but a little sad.
16. Japanese night!
17. A fried egg for breakfast...at my desk!
18. Drawing round our hands.

Happy Saturday!

21 months

2012-01-27T13:24:00.002Z

Things have been a bit quiet on the blogging front this week as I recover from a weekend with my family.
It was lots of fun and this months photos of the E-man are courtesy of my sister who took some lovely photos of him while we were staying with her and my parents...and this is why she features in them.

Biscuit, anyone?

2012-01-18T10:00:00.000Z

Just to provide evidence of some of my baking this month...

My version of Mary Berry's 'Fork Biscuits' from the recipe in her Baking Bible.
I didn't follow the last step as I found that they were too crumbly to squash with a fork, maybe because I made them with goat's butter for a dairy-free friend rather than cow's butter.
They were still mighty tasty though...which is the important bit!

I also made the lemon yoghurt cake from the same book but didn't take any photos as I finished it about 11pm and just wanted to go to bed!!! It was delicious so I'm sure I will be making it again and shall definitely provide photographs...how else am I meant to show off my new cake stand from Christmas?!?!

Recent Reads - Jan 2012

2012-01-16T11:00:00.000Z

As I have quite a few books to read for Interact...and to encourage me to read more in general (12 in 2012 remember!)...I thought it would be nice to do a regular(ish) post about the books I've been reading. This month is a bit of a cheat as I haven't actually read all of the books in the photo but I wanted to show off some of my Christmas and birthday presents...and I also included a couple that I read before Christmas, so not technically in January!

But anyway, here's to the first of hopefully more Recent Reads...I promise to make them shorter in the future!

From the top:
God on Mute - Pete Greig
This book isn't on the Interact reading list but was recommended by one of the seminar speakers and a few other friends. Once I started it I couldn't put it down. It was very easy to read and helped to answer, or at least explain, some of the questions I had/have about prayer. I found it very down-to-earth and practical and was just what I needed to read during this current season. I think it is a great foundational book on prayer and every Christian should read it.
God's Lavish Grace - Terry Virgo
This book and the next two are on the Interact reading list. This was quite easy to read. I liked the practical illustrations used to show why we need God's grace and to explain how this grace works and how we should live in response to it.
Why Trust the Bible? - Amy Orr-Ewing
The first couple of chapters were a bit of a challenge for my more logical mind, but the majority of the book was straight-forward. I liked the clear explanations and discussions about some of the questions people have about the bible's origin and history.
How to read the bible for all its worth - Gordon Fee and Douglas Stuart
I was hoping that this would be a more straight-forward read like the book above, but its pretty heavy going and 'meaty'. I'm currently still in the middle of this one trying to take as many notes and absorb as much as possible! Exegesis and hermeneutics are new words to my vocabulary and this book neck-deep in them! A good read but quite challenging!

The last few books were presents:
Death Comes to Pemberley - P.D. James
From what I can gather from the back cover...this is a new classic from P.D. James bringing together her talent for detective mystery and her love for Jane Austin. I am setting aside a special time over the Easter break to enjoy this book properly and I shall write and hopefully rave about it then!
Skin Secrets - Liz Earle
I have been a lover and user of Liz Earle's skincare products for a while now (thanks to my mother introducing me to and continuing to supply me with). I have already skim read this during a couple of Ethan's nap times. I like the fact that its chock-full of tips, tricks and treats for general all-round healthy living and, despite its title, doesn't just focus on the skin and outward appearance.
Simple Sewn Gifts - Helen Philipps
This is another one that I've managed to skim through during nap times. A lot of the projects involve cross-stitch and the instructions are very prescription which is not really my thing, but there are lots of good ideas and certainly some things that I would like to try. I think I would adapt or customise most of the projects in this book to make them more 'me' but its certainly got some good inspiration and places to start.
Martha Stewart's Encyclopedia of Sewing and Fabric Crafts
This was a birthday present from my lovely boys and I couldn't be more thrilled with it!
I used to have a book like this years ago but it was damaged and lost and I missed having such a great resource. Its a great reference on all things sewing with useful and practical information and tips on fabrics, thread, techniques etc. There is a wide variety of projects and ideas including embroidery, dying, printing and each example is comprehensive but still open enough to allow for personalisation and individuality (plus the presentation and photography is lovely).
I think/hope I will be dipping into this treasure chest of a book lots and lots. I already have many present ideas that I would love to make from this book...now I just need to find the time to do them all!!!

And to finish...the amazing glitter nail varnish that I think I am in love with...Rimmel no. 500 Disco Ball.
Love, love, love it!!!

Sorry

2012-01-15T11:30:00.000Z

To my husband,
I'm sorry for the times I get annoyed because you haven't read my mind.
I'm sorry for the times I have a strop because you didn't do something my way.
I'm sorry for the times I expect things from you that I haven't communicated/are unrealistic/are unfair/are selfish.
I'm sorry for the times when I don't appreciate, or let you know I appreciate, the things you do and the person you are.
I'm sorry for the times when I'm grumpy and don't try to be understanding.

And I'm sorry for the time I waste being moody when I should be bringing fun, happiness, joy and peace into our home.

Thank you for being so patient with me x

20 months

2012-01-13T10:00:00.000Z

Ok, so we're a bit past 20 months now but I thought it was time for a bit of a catch up!

Recent adorable moments (I know that's all people are interested in!)

- Making sure we all put our hands together when we say our prayers! I'm not even sure where he's got this from as we've not really done it while praying at home. Plus, the first time he said 'Dear God' in response to me telling him we were going to pray! I think I actually cried a little!

- saying 'love you mummy' or 'love you daddy' without prompting.

- saying 'happy birfday mummy' at regular occasions on the appropriate day!

- cooking in his new kitchen...usually making bread like daddy!

- lining his trucks and cars up (even in the library)...definitely his mother's son!

- saying thank you a lot...and excusing himself after wind!

- counting his fingers - it's like insy winsy spider doing a maths class!

- telling us about his friends and getting upset when we can't go and see them (not quite so adorable)

and so many more I can't remember!

Maps of the Night

2012-01-12T11:00:00.000Z

I've always loved maps and I've always loved images of the earth from space, so you can imagine how much I love these pictures of the earth at night taken by NASA.
A brilliant and beautiful combination of the world created by God and the world created by man.

Find them here.

Fear - Part 3

2012-01-11T10:00:00.000Z

So I can hardly up sticks and move somewhere to be a missionary. That would be irresponsible with a young family, and also not in agreement with my personality, character and the person God has created me to be.
And I'm not going to start random conversations with strangers on the bus just to feel that I've achieved some evangelistical tick-list!

So how do I ensure that my life, everyday, in the nitty-gritty here and now makes a difference?
How do I make sure that my life is one of significance?

Here's a few ideas for starters:
- I can train up my child in the way that he should go - Proverbs 22:6
- I can speak kind words - Proverbs 16:24
- I can trust in God - Proverbs 3:5-6
- I can welcome people into my home, family and community - 1 Peter 4:9
- I can speak truth - Psalm 15:1-3

And I'm sure there are more.
I think it's a good place to start because these things feel do-able, achievable, possible!
They are challenging but encouraging!

So, what do you think?
What things do you fear?
What can you do about it?
Can you add to my list?

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

Fear - Part 2

2012-01-10T10:00:00.000Z

What then do I fear?

If I'm honest, I fear being a failure.
But not just failing at regular things. Failing at life.
I fear not using my life for something worthwhile, for something bigger than me.
I fear not making a difference to people.
I fear not showing those around me the love and grace of Jesus.
I fear my life being insignificant.

As I was thinking about these things a friend tweeted the following:

And it completely resonated with me. That is what I fear.

But what do I do about it?

Follow Bianca here.

Fear - Part 1

2012-01-09T09:30:00.000Z

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

The words glared down from the screen and those around me sang enthusiastically. But I couldn't sing the words. I hid as much as I could while standing in a congregation, my scarf pulled up around my face, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Whom then shall I fear?

The thing is, I'm fortunate enough to live in a family, culture and society where I don't really fear anyone on a regular basis. Whom then shall I fear? It didn't seem to answer my questions, clarify my anxieties.

God: What!
Me: What?
God: What then shall I fear?
Me: Sorry Lord?
God: You heard me right.
Me: What then shall I fear?
God: Yes. What do you fear? Even though I am always with you.

Now that was a different question entirely. And one that I needed to think about and answer. And work through my muddled up thoughts.

The Lord is my light and salvation - whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1

Song - You Never Let Go by Matt Redman

A year of classic cinema

2012-01-06T12:31:00.001Z

As I mentioned in item 5 of my 12 in 2012, I would love to watch a 'classic' film each month this year, and maybe turn it into a classic film/date night.

Now I'm asking for your help!

I know the term 'classic' will have different meanings for each of us, and I'm not just talking about old or vintage films. There are some modern classics that are definitely worth seeing (Zoolander anyone?!)

My only conditions are that I have not seen them before (Phil might have seen them but I've got some catching up to do) and that they are not horrors or anything that would scare me (I don't want nightmares).

So, I'm opening the floor to suggestions, recommendations and ideas. What classic do you love? What are your favourites? What classics do I 'need' to see?

The more the merrier...maybe we can continue the idea into 2013?!

Just to help - some 'classics' I have seen already:

- The Shawshank Redemption (we happen to own 3 copies of this!)

- To Kill A Mockingbird

- Citizen Kane

- The Green Mile

- Memento

Ideas currently on the list:

- The Great Escape

- Pulp Fiction

- Sleepless in Seattle

Wardrobe Malfunction!

2012-01-05T11:00:00.000Z

I've spoken before of the unpredictable and usually unpleasant nature of the Scottish weather, but this Christmas it seemed to follow us!

This was my inspiration for my Christmas Eve outfit...

However, I stepped out of the front door to gale force winds and miserable rain! Thank goodness I was wearing tights, but yes, I possibly gave the neighbours an interesting view!!!

A little look...

2012-01-04T09:00:00.002Z

...at our New Year's celebrations.

12 in 2012 - Part 3

2012-01-03T10:37:00.003Z

So here are the last few items of my 12 in 2012 list...and you'll see some of them are a little more fun!

9. To encourage and uplift the women in my life

It's not that I don't want to encourage the men in my life, but I do have a heart for women that I can't explain. I hope that over the next 12 months I can learn to grow in areas of encouragement and kindness towards all the women that I encounter. That I can build them up, love them and share with them in many ways.

10. To compare myself with others less

I think this is possibly associated with numbers 3 and 4, but I know that I have placed the comparison game (and lost) far too much in 2011. So I'm praying that God will prod me (gently) when I begin to compare anything about my life with others...this is a difficult lesson that is taking a long time to work through!

11. To wear a dress or skirt at least once a week...and not just on a Sunday!

Over the last couple of years I have added a few dresses and skirts to my wardrobe with the intention of wearing them only to find that I have a tendency to pull on the same, predictable items (usually jeans) day-by-day! Obviously, the weather in Scotland doesn't always lend itself to certain ladylike fashions, but I'd like to be a bit more adventurous and actually wear some of the things in my wardrobe and not worry so much about what other people might think (see number 10!)

Plus, I just think it will be fun! And I may share photos of my outfits!

12. To do more stuff with my hair

Again, this is one for fun...and to try and get me out of a hair rut!

I tend to either straighten my hair and wear it down or just tie it up in a quick ponytail. My morning routine doesn't often allow time for faffing around with different hairstyles, but I would like to be a bit more adventurous and expand my hair repertoire! A decent haircut may be a good start!!!

So, there's my list...12 things to work on in 2012.

I'll try to report on how I'm getting on each month...so 12 reports across the year! You're allowed to keep me accountable and make sure I'm honest in my efforts!

What do you think?

Do you have any plans for this New Year? Any things that you'd like to grow in or develop over the next 12 months?

Let's encourage each other to aim high and stay strong throughout the year!

12 in 2012 - Part 2

2012-01-02T11:16:00.001Z

5. To watch less tv

It's amazing how many hours can be spent (wasted) each week just watching whatever happens to be on the box! I'm so guilty of just relaxing (slobbing out) and loosing time to the idols of various tv channels. Well, no more! Hopefully!

I suppose the root of this one is to be more in control and take charge of my time in a better way. And it leads onto the next three items. Quite often I complain that I just don't have enough time when really it's that I don't steward my time well. The tv is definitely one of the biggest drains of my time so I'm going to try and be more disciplined about what I watch and how much time I spend sat watching something, when I know that I could/should/would like to be doing something else.

However, I am hoping to watch one 'classic' film each month this year. More on this soon...

6. To read more

Less time watching the tv will hopefully mean more time to read! I have many books on the Interact reading list to work through (I'm getting there slowly), as well as many others that are on my personal to-read list. And probably more that will be added during the year!

And hopefully more reading will mean a few book reviews for the blog!

7. To take more photos and craft more

Again, less time watching the tv will hopefully mean more time to take photos and craft! I have been given a macro lens and a couple of great crafting books for Christmas/birthday this year, as well as a subscription to Mollie Makes magazine. Every year I have great intentions to take more photos and make birthday and Christmas presents for people, and maybe even sell some on t'internet...but I always struggle to finish things...or even get started.

I've joined up with a couple of the other girls at work to start a crafting time one lunchtime a week which will hopefully help keep me going! And, of course I will share my endeavours with you!

8. To bake more

Once again, more time will hopefully translate to more baked goodies!

Then hopefully my new Mary Berry's Baking Bible and all the baking accessories I have been gifted will not just be used but completely abused!!!

Numbers 9 to 12 up tomorrow...

12 in 2012 - Part 1

2012-01-01T13:54:00.004Z

Happy New Year!

So here are the first items on my list of 12 things I'd like to see growth/improvement/development/enjoyment in in 2012...

1. To read my Bible more

Like most people, I struggle to find the time (or make the time) in a busy day or week to have a regular time of Bible reading. I make the effort to read it for a particular study, or to find encouragement but I don't really read it just to draw near to God and get to know Him, His character, His heart better. I'm praying for a greater desire for His word in many ways. I'm hoping this will also help me to seek first His Kingdom day-by-day.

2. To memorize Scripture

This is kind of tied into number 1, but I don't just want to read God's word...I want it to dwell in me and to make a difference in my life...to change me. So, I'll be making an effort to write out verses and passages and post them around the place so that I can learn to call on God's word at all times because it is within me.

3. To pray more

This is more about establishing a regular discipline of prayer and also making the effort to journal my prayers and conversations with God. I know that I really benefit when I record how God is speaking to me and how He responds to my prayers. This is something I really want to grow in.

4. To be more thankful and content

This last year has been difficult for me in a few ways and I have noticed discontent creep into various areas of my thinking and speaking. I think that working hard at number 3 will help with this item in some ways but I also think that I need to give it specific focus.

We've starting saying prayers at bedtime with Ethan and mostly these are prayers of thanks. Every day he says thanks for food to eat and for each one of us. It's been such a witness to me of how blessed we really are and how much we have to be thankful for. This is something I need to remember more and want to build into our family life in 2012.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

Numbers 5 to 8 coming up tomorrow!

Our Dec 2011

2011-12-31T10:00:00.001Z

So before the year 2011 is over...here's a round up of some of my phone photos from December.

There's quite a few!

1. The first snow of December.

2. Pushing the Ethan sized trolley in Ikea.

3. Bobo wearing socks to keep his feet warm!

4. Essential Christmas viewing (and I still remember most of the words!)

5. The second snow of December.

6. Enjoying an early Christmas present from Grandma and Grandpa!

7. The beautiful life-size nativity set in St. Andrew's square.

8. Very glittery Christmas crafts!

9. A raspberry tiramisu...I knew there was a valid reason I was addicted to pinterest!!!

10. Creative gingerbread men, women and butterflies.

11. The creative team.

12. What we left for Father Christmas.

13. Enjoying another Christmas present from Grandma and Grandpa.

14. A Christmas t-shirt from mummy!

15. A birthday mug for me from Alison.

16. Treating mummy to a birthday lunch at cafe blush.

17. The advent calendar.

18. Brie and basil homemade bread.

19. A bright, full moon at the start of the day.

20. Real reindeer on Princes Street.

21. Tucking into a slice of lemon!

22. Cute sleeping!

23. Waiting for daddy to come home.

24. Enjoying the Ethan-sized kitchen and making bread like daddy!

25. What to play with next?!

A week of celebrating!

2011-12-30T19:46:00.005Z

As my birthday is just 4 days after Christmas, the last week of December is a celebration packed few days for me. There has been lots of time with family, lots of chilling out, lots of reading and some glitter nail varnish!

My highlights of the last few days include:

*Ethan saying 'Happy Birthday Mummy!' to me at various times yesterday...absolutely precious!

*Wonderful and thoughtful gifts from family and friends...I am very blessed.

*Quality time with my two favourite men.

*Glitter nail varnish...sorry, I think I'm addicted to it! (Seriously, I'm trying to work out if I can get away with wearing it for the rest of the year!!!)

I have lots to chat about and share and a few new things hopefully in the new year, including getting back to blogging on some sort of a regular basis.

I'm not really one for resolutions at New Year, but there are some things in my life that I would like to work on, to see change and growth, to become better as a woman, wife, mother, friend and follower of Jesus. For this reason I have decided to put together a list of 12 things for 2012. I will spend a little bit of time over the next few days detailing my 12 things and expanding on why I've chosen to include them in the list for this year. 12 might seem like quite a lot of things to work on but, as we will see, some are more involved and serious than others. I'll not give anymore details now but leave you hanging, waiting for more...

But before I do sign off, I'd like to wish anyone reading this a Happy New Year and hope you have something nice planned to celebrate...even if that is an early night!!!

See you in 2012!

Photo from CarolynsHope on Flickr.

Interact Christmas Fun 2011

2011-12-17T13:45:00.001Z

Some photos from last nights fun...

Cosy

2011-12-12T22:33:00.004Z

This is how I would like to spend the rest of the chilly days until spring arrives...

I could easily hibernate right now x

More updates...

2011-12-09T14:26:00.003Z

So, I'm totally behind in posting the photos from my phone so here are October and November...

October 2011

1. Christmas outfits spotted while shopping...and no, I wasn't tempted!

2, 3, 4 & 5. Fun in the park

6. Bible overview!

7. Taking Noah and the Ark to bed

8. Chatting up the old ladies at the cafe!

9. Educational bedtime reading!

10. Alternative use for a hood!

11 & 12. Dressing up as a monkey!

November 2011

1. Christmas decoration up at the Dome already (literally the 1st Nov!)

2. Homemade beetroot and kale pizzas...yummy!

3. Two favourite things...flowers and the prospect of/potential for cupcakes!

4. The fairy tent at nursery!

5. Matching the shapes with their pictures in the book

6 & 15. First finger painting session at home...went pretty well!

7. A tube of all pink smarties to cheer me up.

8. Carrying the fennel home!

9. Taking out current favourite book to nursery

10. Mmmm, fish fingers, potatoes and peas!

11. Yummy butterfly for mummy!

12. Wearing a new hat made by Grandma

13. Hiding legs!

14. Chilling out!

15. See above

16. Dried apple art!

Happy Friday xxx

Quick update - 18 & 19 months

2011-12-08T13:30:00.006Z

So, I haven't posted for a while. Things have been a little busy over the last few weeks but everything seems to have calmed down now.

I'm well ahead with the Christmas shopping...just 3 presents left to buy!

And I've now (almost) completed my study response for this term for Inter:act.

I have a few posts in the pipeline (in my head) but for now I thought I'd just update you with a few photos of the cutest wee man in the world (I am biased of course!) and some of the things we've been up to recently.

Tickles with daddy...and yes the paper bunting is from the 1st birthday party nearly 8 months ago!!! I'm sure it will come down soon for Christmas decs to go up!

Compulsory applause after everything!

"Come on Grandpa! Come on Daddy!"

Trying to eat all the raisins at once!

Thankful

2011-11-24T15:50:00.005Z

I'm not American and I don't celebrate Thanksgiving Day, but I do like the idea of taking time to specifically think about the things in life we can be thankful for.
I need to take my eyes off the negative/critical/difficult things and spend time focussing on just how blessed I am.

So here is my list of things I'm current very thankful for...

1. Family - I love my family. They are so much to me. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful family. And I'm very much looking forward to spending time with family at the weekend.

2. Friends - my friends are very important to me. They listen to me, support me and show God's love to me in very practical ways. I love my friends.

3. Interact - I know I've said it before, but I am loving being part of the interact team this year. The teaching is great, the discussions are great, the quality time with people is great! I am really enjoying every part of it...even the snot and tears parts! God has been so good in enabling me to be part of this. So, so thankful!

4. The Internet - I know this one sounds a bit weird, but hear me out. Thanks to the wonderful inventions of skype and google+ I have been able to 'meet' up with friends and study God's word together during a time when I really needed it. Having children asleep at home, and being several miles apart would normally have restricted this time. But instead, we have been able to continue to support each other, and learn more about being godly women, through our study times together. Plus, internet shopping has enabled me to buy most of this year's Christmas presents without having to wander round numerous shops...great!

5. My church family - words are not enough to describe how blessed I feel to be surrounded my people who look out for me personally and for my family, who encourage us, challenge us, support us and just love us.

6. Tea - the difference a good cup of tea can make to my day cannot be underestimated!

7. Anthropologie - I unwisely stepped into their shop yesterday just for a 'look'! Ha! I left with two dresses that were both significantly reduced (my justification for buying them) and an anticipation for flouncing around in them!

8. Cake - After Jesus, and points 1 and 2 on this list...cake is the best thing on the planet! And so I shall end my list on this undeniable high!

Although there are many many many more things that I could add, and so many things to be thankful for...I shall leave it there and save some for another day.

Happy Thursday!

Walking step-by-step

2011-11-17T15:27:00.003Z

Life, faith, a relationship with God... is a journey.
Not a road trip or an international flight.
Not a rush from one thing to the next.
But a step-by-step walk. One foot in front of the other. Second-by-second, minute-by-minute, moment-by-moment.

Sometimes the walk is easy. The ground is flat. The scenery is interesting. The steps come naturally and with ease.
Sometimes the path is high, the view is astounding, the next steps are clear.
The journey is enjoyable. You travel far without even realising it.

Sometimes the walk is hard. The ground is steep or uneven. The night has set in. Your body aches, and it takes everything in you to keep going. To keep placing one foot in front of the other. Each step feeling slower and heavier than the last.
You need a rest. A chance to stop and take in the view. But the view isn't what you want to see right now. So you keep going. You have to keep going. Just to get somewhere else.

Its in these times when other paths become so attractive. The paths that others walk along, that seem to serve them so well. The paths that promise so much but deliever so little. The paths that only go downwards, whether gradually or swiftly.

Its in these times that we need to draw closer to God.
The one who will keep us from stumbling when the path is uneven.
The one who will be our light when the darkness surrounds us.
The one who will give us rest when we long for refreshment.
The one who will carry us when we get weak and weary.
The one who will use the journey to transform us. To re-form us. To restore us.

The one who will bring us to the new place when the time is right...and the one who knows exactly what that new place needs to be.

Whether the path is easy or hard...I pray that I walk each step with God.
Just one foot in front of the other.

What?!

2011-11-11T11:00:00.000Z

This made me chuckle...

Calling into Existence

2011-11-10T10:05:00.008Z

"God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did"
Romans 4:17 NKJV

What has God spoken into your life that that does not seem to exist yet?
What has God breathed life into that once was dead?
What does God want to create in and through you that is not in your life at the moment?

What God sees when he looks at us is not the same as what we see. The words and promises he has spoken over us stand true, even when we don't see the evidence of them. Even when we struggle to believe they exist.

When we feel guilty, God has called us innocent.
When we feel lost, God has found us.
When we feel insecure, God has called us his own.
When we feel weak, God has given us his strength.
When we feel trapped, God has given us freedom.
When we feel like we can't go on, God has given us hope.
When we feel we need to justify or prove ourselves, God has given us grace.

What things has God spoken over you and into your life that you need to step into today?
Do you believe that you are innocent? Do you have hope and see your self as free?

What things are you waiting on God for? For him to call into life and bring into existence?

He will do it. He has done it already!

Our Little Monkey!

2011-11-04T20:13:00.002Z

Happy Friday!

In love with Noah...

2011-10-27T12:00:00.001+01:00

We read this book about 6 times a day...and sometimes Ethan can't bear to put it back on the shelf so takes it to bed with him!

So cute!

Learning

2011-10-26T21:02:00.003+01:00

This is what I have been learning so far on Interact...

A bible overview that has given me a great overview of the bible!

I'm loving being part of this course and looking forward to learning more and more!

Happy Wednesday x

More fun in the park...

2011-10-18T10:00:00.000+01:00

We love our local park.

Especially the swings...

Swinging like a monkey on the bars...

Climbing on everything...

Weeeeeeeeeee.........

Parks are fun!

2011-10-17T20:20:00.005+01:00

So, you know it's been a long time since you've blogged when your mum tells you off for not supplying more up to date photos of her favourite grandson!

The last few weeks have been a real mix...and I haven't posted anything because for a lot of the time I haven't known what to say.

It's been a real journey of faith, hope and grace.

Learning to have faith in the one who is always faithful.

Learning that we can have hope in the one who knows us in detail.

And learning to live in grace and by grace.

I have been blessed beyond believe to be able to take part in this!

It is something that has been on my heart for a while...a long while. But God has supernaturally and extraordinarily provided for us as a family so that I can do it this year! Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about this! Blessed, expectant, excited...and slightly anxious in an unknown future kind of way!

Anyway, less chat and more photos I hear you say!

Having a wander at the newly opened National Museum of Scotland...note the huge whiskey still on the left...he's definitely his father's son!

Digging up dinosaur bones...

Exploring the 'imagine' zone...

An Andy Goldsworthy sculpture on the roof terrace...seeing this in the flesh made me really happy...I've wanted to see a real life Andy Goldsworthy for a long time!

Seriously mother! Stop taking photos of me!!!

Too busy to sit and do the jigsaw!

Taking Larry for a ride on the bike!

Hope this has made up for the absence...I hope to be back to regular-ish posting again soon once I settle into our new weekly routine!

Happy Monday x

Confession

2011-09-07T14:14:00.003+01:00

At the moment, I feel like everything is difficult. Life is difficult.
It's still enjoyable...but hard at the same time.

Getting out of bed when you're so very tired (thanks to noisy neighbours), is hard.
Being motivated to do a job you dislike, is hard.
Saying something loving and kind when you feel hurt and angry, is hard.
Getting excited for the future when you're struggling with the now, is hard.

I do have some exciting (very exciting) things going on and coming up. Some amazing opportunities and wonderful blessings. But at the moment I just can't focus on those things. I only seem to be able to see the ditch I feel I'm in. The muddy, dirty, sticky, horrible ditch.

And the worst part? I know it's directly related to the lack of time I've spent with God.

I'd like to say life has been busy, but that would just be an excuse.
Life has been normal, and I have allowed myself to be un-disciplined and slack off.
I've allowed my relationship with God to slide from being the number 1 priority.
And I can see how it has affected every area of my life. My thoughts, my words, my attitude.
The stinky rubbish that has been revealed. The hurts and insecurities that need healing.

So, I'm confessing my apathy and praying for a renewed passion and desire for God.
For the restorative power of His word. For the comforting presence of His spirit.
For the renewal and transformation of my thoughts, my words, my attitude, my heart.
I so need more of God.

Would you pray for me too?

James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Psalm 40:2
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

Its all so quiet...

2011-09-01T21:54:00.007+01:00

We've been away on a little summer holiday.

But now we're back and have some lovely photos to share...

The beautiful beach with mirror water

Calling home to make sure everyone's ok

Just part of the view from the caravan!

Free fruit...if you can wait for it to ripen!

Some serious boy time

'Come on...I'm ready to go!'

Lovely flowers

The neighbours

Bubble time!

Trying out the new coat...all ready for autumn and winter...and beyond!

Future

2011-07-26T14:55:00.003+01:00

"If you can understand everything in your future then you're not living by faith"

- Simon Guillebaud, great guy who's living out his calling with his family in Burundi and who spoke at church on Sunday and spoke of our amazing call to adventure in Christ.

For we live by faith, not by sight

2 Corinthians 5:7

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see

Hebrews 11:1

And because posts are nicer with a picture...

Who's afraid of...

2011-07-22T08:39:00.003+01:00

...snails?!

I hate them. Them, and their slug counterparts. Urgh!

Sorry God, but I really do not like them at all one little bit. And if you have blessed me with a son who loves them and wants to bring them in the house and keep them...then I will cry...lots!

Knowing my feelings towards snails, you can imagine my shear joy when I found one inside the fridge this morning! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

There are many benefits to growing our own veg and salad on the allotment. Finding snails anywhere in the house is not one of them!

Phil's response to my problem...they are nice with garlic! Not even slightly funny!

After about 15 minutes of deep breathing and preparation I managed to muster the courage to remove the snail and deposit it outside...via a 2nd storey window (sorry snail!)

Now, I think I must have a great day lined up as it cannot possibly get any worse!

Anyone else not enjoy certain parts of 'nature'?

The clouds, the rain and the wardrobe

2011-07-19T09:17:00.015+01:00

Ok...Scotland...so it's supposed to be the middle of summer and it feels like we went straight from spring to autumn! We have had some wonderful summer days here and there...but they were punctuated, quite heavily, by lots of rain!

I think most ladies would agree that during the slightly warmer months we'd love to be out about wearing something like this...

Or looking like this...

Or even fashioning an outfit like this...

But instead I feel that I'd be more appropriate going out dressed like this!

And while it may be completely practical...it's just not flattering at all!

Obviously there are some silver linings...like the potential to wear these...

But really, other than fishermen, who wants to spend the majority of the year wearing wellies?!

Although maybe I could try this look?

I would like one day where I don't feel that I need to wear my boots just in case it rains...or regret not wearing my boots when I get caught in a downpour! And having to push a buggy means that I need my hands free so I can't even skip around with a lovely umbrella :(

They say that there's no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothes.

I'm not sure I agree!

Anyone else surviving weather induced wardrobe malfunctions?!

Sandwiches and prayer...

2011-07-15T11:00:00.000+01:00

I try to take my lunch when I'm at work. Buying it everyday can start to get expensive.
But if I do need to buy something, there is a lovely sandwich shop which is always my preference.

I like going there because the bread is usually great.

That's right the bread!

Usually when we think of sandwiches its all about the fillings. The combinations of meat, cheese, salad, dressing or other fancy things that get your taste buds going.

We don't always give much thought to the bread. It's kinda functional. Just there to serve a purpose...not really the main point.

But a sandwich wouldn't be a sandwich without the bread and the quality of the bread can make or break the sandwich.

And I think it's like that with prayer...

...ok, so you now think I'm crazy...but just hear me out...

Prayer is an integral part of our relationship with God. It is all of our communication with Him. But often we get distracted by the more 'interesting', more fun or cooler parts of the relationship. We get caught up with our serving, our activities, our testimony or faith story. We want to make the filling as tasty and attractive as possible. But if the bread, our communication with God and God's word to us and in us, is stale then the whole thing will be bad.

I think it's the same in all relationships. If the communication is off then the whole relationship will be out of kilter. You can't enjoy other aspects of the relationship if you can't or don't communicate well.

If our communication with God is struggling, then it only makes sense that it will have an impact on the whole relationship.

I know that I have a tendency to view prayer as functional and definitely don't have the prayer life I could/should/want to. Its sometimes too easy to miss the importance of prayer and how much of an impact it can have. It should really be the main point.

We need to be in good communication with God. Only He knows the plans He has for us. Only He can direct our feet and light our paths. Only He knows what things we need to encounter.

So, next time you have a sandwich think about your prayer life and whether its as fresh as it could be!

Notes from the allotment:

2011-07-13T13:24:00.004+01:00

- weeds can look pretty.

- never judge the strength of a weed by the amount you can see above the ground.

- there's no point removing the weed if you leave the root in...it will just grow back.

- weeds don't stop you producing fruit...but they will reduce the quality and quantity of the fruit.
- some creatures can feed off weeds just as much as they can feed off fruit.

- removing weeds is hard work...especially when they've been left for a long time.

- if I go back to the allotment and it is as overgrown as it was on Monday, I will be very upset!

Phil and I spent a lot of time on Monday at our allotment. I wished we'd taken before and after photos because I removed a whole load of weeds (big, waist high, nasty, prickly, bug filled weeds!) and in some areas it looked quite different when we left. I also got to plant some stuff too...Italian onion (Christmas present from mum), kale and some unidentified, surprise veggies!

While pulling and digging up the weeds I thought a lot about the weeds we can allow to grow in our life. The weeds that will grow and take over if we allow them to. The weeds that will reduce the quality and quantity of our fruit. The weeds that can look or seem innocent but which do a lot of damage deep down.
Dealing with any kind of weed is hard work and is usually an on going process but the result is completely worthwhile.

In our allotment, the aim is to grow fruit and veg that we (and others) can eat and enjoy and that provides energy and sustenance to us.
In my life, I hope to produce fruit that I and others can enjoy. That brings life, energy and sustenance. So it's important that I deal with, and keep on top of the weeds.

14 months...

2011-06-24T08:24:00.003+01:00

Ok, so I totally missed the 13 month update. Things were a little crazy around here at the end of May.

Anyway, here are some lovely photos I took yesterday while we were playing in the park.

Being a little naughty and climbing up the slide!

Chasing a friend and squealing with delight! So funny to watch!

I know this one is a little out of focus but I really like it (it looks better if you look at it from further away!)

I can't believe how much his walking is coming on. He doesn't fall very often, which is good for my nerves! And he was loving being so adventurous and climbing on things yesterday. And the slide was good fun too!

His talking is coming on and he tries to copy a lot of what we say. And he's picking up the baby sign very quickly now too, which can be really helpful when we're trying to work out what he's asking for!

And we finally have the next two teeth! Its only taken them about 4 months but they've actually broken through the gum now. Although they're only poking out by about 1mm! So that takes the total tooth count to 6 so far.

And this is the 'mummy, please stop taking photos of me and help me climb on this thing' face!!!

Alive in me

2011-06-22T14:11:00.004+01:00

So, I'm feeling a bit 'not right' at the minute.
I can't really put my finger on what's not right. But I just feel not right.

Not ill, just mixed up. Kinda rollercoaster like. Which I don't really want to be. I want to be a bit (lot) more consistent and content.

But I know that one thing that always helps me and changes my perspective and attitude when I'm going through these mixed up times is listening to worship music.
I literally can't get enough of the latest Hillsong United album, Aftermath. I listen to it over and over again.

The lyrics of this song spoke to me today...

You can take my dry bones

Breathe life into this skin

You called me by name

Raised me to life again

You can calm the oceans

Speak peace into my soul

Take me as I am

Awaken my heart to beat again

Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus

Alive in me

You move in the unseen

You set the captives free

As I stand and sing

You're breaking the chains off me

Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus

Alive in me, alive in me

Breathe in me Your life

Till Your love overtakes me

Open up my eyes

Let me see You more clearly

Falling on my knees till I love like You love

Like You love me, I love You

Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus, Oh Jesus

Alive in me

Songwriters: Joel Houston and Jill McCloghry

Sometimes (a lot of the time) I need to remember that Jesus is alive in me.

Things I'm loving right now...

2011-06-16T15:24:00.003+01:00

1. The warmer weather...about time...nuff said!

2. This book...I've literally just finished it and all I can say is, if you're a christian you have to read it!

3. My freebie face mask I got when buying a birthday present for someone else. I tried it last night and it was great...plus it was free! Better than a bargain!

4. The new anthropologie store in Edinburgh. I knew it would be my downfall when this store opened and my first visit there yesterday (on the opening day) didn't prove me wrong!

5. The numerous daisies carpeting the grass as I walked through the meadows today.

6. Tea and cake with friends...this cannot happen too frequently in my opinion!

7. People watching from my living room window.

8. Seeing more of my husband now work craziness has calmed down.

Happy Thursday!

Boy...

2011-06-12T19:55:00.002+01:00

...does this kid love his books!

And we had to cuddle Larry too!

My May 2011

2011-06-07T11:19:00.000+01:00

1. There may have been 43 people in front of me in the queue...but its the simple things that make me happy...like being number 100 at the post office!

2. Eating an apple like the big boys do!

3. Breakfast fail on mummy's part...managed to loose control of both spoons and my own breakfast. Sometimes it's just so hard not to give in to the cuteness!

4. Eating asparagus!

5. Tiny tiny bird

6. Finally big enough to sit on his chair!

7. Reading...he would do this all day if he could!

8. The originality of my mother and sister...sending us the same card for our wedding anniversary! Great minds eh?!

9. Ethan's seeds starting to grow

10. Using the ark as a new hat!

11. A dark picture, I know...but I was so happy to have dinner at a restaurant where you can actually have some of every dessert on the menu! Lovely anniversary treat!

12. Grandma working her magic and sending someone to sleep!

Ships passing in the night

2011-06-06T14:15:00.005+01:00

I heard you rise, but I didn't look at the clock. I knew I would dispise the hour.

I felt you leave, but I didn't open my eyes. I knew I would see your space unoccupied.

I swam against the tide of my days. Receiving your updates. Hoping the encouragement I was sending was finding you.
Struggling to keep my own head dry. Buoyed with the hope of seeing you soon.

I sank into bed. I couldn't settle. I didn't want to fall asleep with the distance still between us.

We passed. Floating on by. Moving from one task to the next. Pushed along by the tide. Drifting in and then out.

Finally we docked. But the waves rocked us up and down. We crashed. We sank a little. We hurt.

Then the storm passed, the waves calmed. We rested.
And we laughed.
We healed and we found some peace.

Life has been crazy recently. Really crazy.
Between Phil's work (big BIG project going on), my work (crazy people going on) and Ethan's new 5:30am morning wake up call, we have just about survived the last week or so. But it has been hard for all of us.
I don't like it when life causes us to be so busy we react instead of responding. We have itineries instead of attentiveness. We operated out of necessity rather than grace. We cause pain just because our brains can't physically work fast enough to stop us!

Lord, help us to fix our eyes on you during this busy time. Give us the strength and grace we need to get through each day. Help us to take our eyes off our circumstances, emotions and tiredness. Give us good rest and renewal. May we still praise you and bring glory to your name because you sustain us.

Some more thoughts on Marriage

2011-05-22T14:30:00.003+01:00

2. Marriage is Worth it’s Weight

Marriage is valuable. It is precious. That is why it is worth waiting for because it is so important and should be treasured.

In Hebrews 13:4 we are told that marriage should be honoured by all. Or in the New Living Translation, we should give honour to marriage.

In our western culture, marriage is considered disposable. Something that we’ll stick with as long as it keeps us happy and we’re enjoying it, but there’s always a way out if we need it.

This was not God’s original idea. In fact in Malachi 2:16 it says, ‘“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel’. Divorce is not a convenience to God. God literally sees a married couple as ‘no longer two but one flesh’ (Matt 19:5, Gen 2:24, Eph 5:31). You cannot easily separate one flesh without a huge amount of pain and damage. Even if you do it surgically with pain relief. There will always be scars, and part of you will never be the same again. Which is why God created marriage to be permanent.

Our marriages are designed to be an example to the world of God’s love for us (Ephesians 5:22-33). The way we love our spouses and families is to be part of our light shining in the world (John 13:34-35). It is the place to bring up children, to share life’s ups and downs, to support one another, to welcome those without families. It is the place where we are free to be who God created us to be because there is a love and security that is based in God’s love for us.

That’s why, in the words of Cheryl Cole…’we gotta fight (fight, fight, fight) fight for this love…if it’s worth having it’s worth fighting for’!

We’ve got to see our marriages as God sees them. We have to give them the value/honour/significance that He gives them. We have to prioritise them and give them the time and attention that they need. And we have to support and encourage each other in our marriages. We have the potential to share the gospel in and through our marriages.

Even when we feel our marriages are struggling, broken or over, God can bring tremendous blessing and healing, not only to restore but renew and refresh our marriages (Matthew 19:26). He wants them to be the best marriages that they can be. For us, for our children, for our families and for all those we encounter in life.

It is possible to have a lifelong and happy marriage and there is a deep joy that comes from a faithful and pure marriage. The secret is for both the husband and wife to be submitted to God and to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit. We cannot do marriage without God. You only need to look at the statistics to see that.

I love reading Ephesians 3:20 –

‘Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or think, according to the power that works in us’

Try and imagine the greatest marriage that you could have. The love, security, joy, hope…God can do that and more! How amazing is that! All we have to do is allow Him to work in us. That’s not always easy. Being refined, moulded, cleansed is a painful process (think of bashing stains out of clothes in a big wooden drum. Not adding a sachet of stain remover and turning the washing machine on). But through it we, and our marriages, can shine and bring praise to God. There can be glory in the broken, beauty in the mended and power in restoration.

If you are married – how do you view your marriage? Is it valuable and precious to you? Do you give it the time and priority that it deserves? Are there areas that you need God’s wisdom, help, and encouragement? Is there brokenness or hurt that needs to be restored and healed?

If you’re not married but think that one day you would like to be – what are your hopes and dreams for your future marriage? What can you do now to help cultivate the value and honour that marriage deserves and requires? Is there a married couple that you can come alongside and learn from whilst honouring and encouraging?

If you’re not married and aren’t fussed whether you will get married or don’t particularly long to get married - Are there married couples that you can come alongside to honour, support and encourage?

Some thoughts on Marriage

2011-05-21T13:47:00.005+01:00

I don't know whether it's because I celebrated my wedding anniversary yesterday, or because of recent conversations and situations with family and friends...but I've been thinking about marriage a lot recently. And a few thoughts just keep coming back to me so I thought I'd share them.

1. Marriage is Worth the Wait

For some reason, whenever I see this vest of Ethan's I think about marriage. I think about the time before I was married and the desire I had (and that so many single women have) to be married. Marriage is great and wonderful and amazing (it is all of those things and more), but it is also very hard.

In Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus responds to questions from the Pharisees regarding divorce by quoting Genesis 2:24.

He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Matt 19:4-6

When two individuals join their lives together to become 'one flesh' they are also bringing together two sets of opinions, values, ways of communicating, backgrounds, insecurities, baggage, families...etc etc. Obviously, it is assumed that some of these are likely to be more aligned and in some areas you will be 'on the same wavelength' or have the same values in order to have got you to the decision of marriage in the first place. However, there will always be occasions when you don't agree, when you don't understand each other, when you speak or act without thinking, when you don't respond out of grace...or when you simply wind each other up and drive each other crazy.

I think we've become so enamored with the abundance of chick flicks and period dramas that subconsciously teach us that, although the journey to finding ‘Mr. Right’ may involve heartbreak and hurts, once we’ve found ‘The One’ life will be sweet and wonderful and full of romance. Whereas what we actually step into is a process of molding two whole people (not two halves) into one flesh, a single unit. And that is not easy.

So we struggle when we disagree because that’s not what happens in the movies. We get upset when we feel misunderstood, because aren’t we just supposed to ‘get each other’?! We worry if we’ve made a mistake because surely it can’t be right to fall out once your married?! That’s not what people in good marriages do!

I once heard a speaker say that if there are never any disagreements in a marriage then there is something wrong with the marriage. It means that one or both of the individuals are not entirely open and honest and expressing their opinion, because no two people can ever completely agree on everything. A good marriage is not about never disagreeing…it’s about how you deal and work through the disagreements. It’s about compromise, constructive conversations, grace, resolution, sacrifice, humility, love and so many other things.

One of the greatest, but also the hardest parts of marriage for me is the fact that there is someone who is part of my life and sees and knows every part of who I am. It’s a huge blessing to have someone with whom you can be so open and vulnerable and who will challenge and encourage you. But it’s a challenge too. It says in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”. In a marriage we have a unique opportunity to sharpen each other. To help and encourage someone to become all that they were created to be. But, boy does it hurt sometimes.

One of the biggest challenges I have faced since becoming a wife, is the realization that I can be a very selfish person. I can sulk and throw impromptu pity-parties-for-one like you wouldn’t believe (probably because I don’t invite anyone else to the pity-party incase they spoil the foul mood)! I am ashamed of how many times I’ve felt that life just isn’t fair purely because I wasn’t getting what I wanted (not the same as what I needed!). Having someone else constantly challenge your attitude and response to things is tough, especially when you know that ultimately they’re right.

Another challenge has been learning to wait before I respond. To not just react to a situation, but to wait on God and respond in the right way. Not only is marriage worth the wait, but it’s also worth waiting within a marriage. Time, and prayer, can be a great eye opener/life saver/foot out of mouth remover!!!

All this to say, I don’t want people to think that I’m all “hey, don’t get married, it’s horrible. You’ll fall out, and you’ll cry, and you’ll say things you wish you hadn’t, and you’ll miss your freedom and independence and your life will never be the same again!”

I love marriage. I believe God loves marriage. He designed it! I think marriage is completely worth waiting for because it’s amazing. It is totally worth the wait.But I do think that we should go into marriage and live day-by-day in our marriages with the right attitude.

Part of the reason I love Ethan’s vest in the photo above is because we bought it before he was even born. He wanders around now wearing something that we bought, not knowing what or who he would be, but with lots of hopes and dreams and excited anticipation.

Seasons in life are so important. They give us the time and ability to prepare. To get ourselves ready. To do whatever we need to do and work through stuff that is in our lives before we enter the next season. And even in the middle of a season God can teach us, direct us, mould us and stretch us. It seems that whatever stage in life we’re at, there is always something that we are waiting for. Something, that if it’s right, will be worth the wait.

Whether you are single and waiting/hoping/dreaming about being married one day, or you’re newly married, or have been married for a long time…there is always something that God is wanting to do in and through you to improve you and your relationships.

Maybe take the time to read Ephesians 5:22-33 or 1 Corinthians 13. Is there something in those verses that God is speaking to you about? Is there something that he wants to do in or through you in your marriage or in your singleness? Is there an area in your life that you need his help with as you prepare for your next season?

What is it that you are waiting for? Make sure you make the wait worthwhile!

Part two of my thoughts on marriage tomorrow!

Shoe-lations

2011-05-18T14:34:00.002+01:00

I have a love/hate relationship with shoes.

I love them.

They hate me.

This makes me a little sad :(

I think it probably makes my bank account (and husband) a little relieved!

Ethan's 1st Birthday Weekend Extravaganza!

2011-05-17T10:10:00.000+01:00

Warning - this post contains lots of photos! Don't say I didn't warn you!

Cute, but dribbly (pre-official-birthday celebrations)

Unwrapping presents is fun!

Dressed to party

Chillin' with the cousins

Sunbathing

Sharing/Steeling Auntie Heather's food!

One of the perks of daddy's job!

Blowing out the birthday candle

Enjoying the applause

Post-cake happiness!

Being dedicated to God

Chatting to daddy

More fun times with cousins

We had a wonderful, fun-filled, action-packed weekend with lots of family and friends. I know Ethan won't remember any of it...but we all had a great time!

My April 2011

2011-05-16T20:29:00.003+01:00

Ok, so it's a bit late...but here is a round up of my phone photos from April 2011.

1. Romantic messages in wooden blocks

2. Tiny bright flowers

3. Birthday bunting

4. A delivery of lots of boxes...

5. ...containing an abundance of Easter eggs...not all for me!

6. A box monster!

7. Rocking his new sun hat

8. Shh! You can't make lots of noise during the Royal Wedding

9. Too cool for...his buggy!

10. Tigger slippers

11. Helping with the housework and putting the dishwasher on

12. The best way to celebrate the Royal Wedding...in cake! Seen here.

Fleur

2011-05-10T20:12:00.001+01:00

Being me

2011-05-06T12:00:00.001+01:00

If I'm honest...

...I struggle with comparing myself to others

...I struggle with the fact I still don't feel I really know myself

...I struggle with not feeling that I deserve the nice things

...I struggle with not wanting to blend into the background but not wanting to stand out either

...I struggle with feeling that everyone else has it more together/sorted than me...and usually looks better than me

...I struggle with some aspects of my post-baby body...even though I didn't think I would and don't think I should

...I struggle with not knowing what to do

...and at the moment, I struggle to remember anything!

Poorly

2011-05-05T21:12:00.002+01:00

What I really want is to share some great photos from Ethan's 1st birthday weekend celebrations...but I'm suffering with a very poorly throat and feeling very sorry for myself and struggling to keep my eyes open.

So, I'll just build the anticipation and make you wait!

1 today!

2011-04-27T07:00:00.001+01:00

Yeah it's my first birthday!!!

I can't believe its one whole year since this!

I can still remember his arrival like it was yesterday!
How much has he changed since then?!

Ethan Robert, your daddy and I love you more than words can tell. You constantly make me smile and I am so proud to be your mammy! xxxx

Inner Beauty

2011-04-23T13:49:00.000+01:00

Pensive

2011-04-20T09:13:00.003+01:00

Possibly thinking serious thoughts about his new (first) hair cut! Who knows?!

Maybe he was thinking about taking his first steps...which he did this morning before daddy had to go to work! Yay!

Honour

2011-04-18T21:00:00.002+01:00

I wouldn't be who I am without them.

I couldn't be who I am without them.

The amazing women who I'm privileged to do life alongside encourage me, challenge me, support me. They make me laugh, they share my problems, they listen to my worries.

I couldn't possibly name all the women who surround me, inspire me, comfort me, love me. I'm bound to forget someone!

But I do want to honour them. I'm so fortunate to have such wonderful women in my life. I want to lift them up and say thank you.

Thank you for seeing beyond my insecurities and loving me in many ways.

I wouldn't be who I am without you.

I couldn't be who I am without you.

And I look forward to more fun, inspiring, challenging, encouraging, comforting, emotional, hysterical, crazy times together.

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above yourselves.

Romans 12:10

An afternoon at the allotment

2011-04-14T20:01:00.002+01:00

Hair styled with sun cream!

Yummy

Look at my teeth!

At least someone was working hard!

Pretty herbs

Lessons from the prayer room...

2011-04-12T15:18:00.004+01:00

- When someone suggests you're being brave to spend an hour in the prayer room with an 11 month old...you can safety conclude that they think you're crazy!

- It's not easy to pray for an hour with an 11 month old...it's not impossible though either. And it's ok to agree with the above comment!

- It's ok to not know what to pray...or how to pray

- It's ok to not know what or how to pray even when you're not a 'new' christian

- It's ok to just rest in God's presence...although there is no 'just' about it

- It's ok sing praise songs which use the tunes of nursery rhymes (at least I hope it is!)

- God will meet with you (even if you're playing with stacking cups and other toys)

- When you leave something will be different. It may not be huge but it will be different.

- Your 11 month old will want to remove every bright post-it note from the walls and won't understand why he isn't allowed to. You will resort to sticking post-it notes to yourself to distract your 11 month old from the ones on the walls!

- It won't be what you expected...and that's ok

My March 2011

2011-04-04T20:54:00.004+01:00

1. Yummy Pancakes!

2. Remember the beef stew on the top incident?!

3. Giddy up!

4. Refusing to look at the camera

5. A more sedate ride

6. Mighty mint joined by bashful basil and chirpy chives

7. Home grown cabbage

8. Daffodils

9. Someone's 1st birthday invitations in the post!

10. Supporting the winning rugby team!

11. Where there's tea there's hope...amen!

12. Designer water bottles. Issey Miyake!

13. Love this cushion

14. Twit-twoo

15. More fog

16. Why eat shepherd's pie when you can wear it?!

17 & 18. More snow...yes, snow in March!

19. Crocuses...just before the snow

20. 'Working from home'!

11 months old

2011-03-27T20:11:00.007+01:00

Looking less than impressed at the swans!

Now he's spending as much time as he can on his feet and 'cruising' around the furniture! Plus, just the last few days he's started pointing at things and trying to show us and tell us what he wants. And his chatter has gone up a step too!

And this is my 200th blog post!

Big Word Wednesday #14

2011-03-23T13:41:00.003Z

This time last year I was desperately trying to hand over projects and finish off work so that I could begin my maternity leave. I can’t believe how fast the past 12 months have gone, and how different life is now!

So, I think it’s time for a Big Word Wednesday!

Reminisce

- To tell about the past

- To talk or write about events remembered

- To recall, recollect, muse over

I often find myself thinking about things that have happened in my life. Important events, big achievements, memorable moments. I’m the kind of person that remembers dates and when things happened, so I tend to think back on various ‘anniversaries’.

Sometimes the memories I recall are happy, good, full of fun. I remember laughter with friends and family, journeys and adventures. Things I thought I’d never do or see.

Other times the thoughts are less enjoyable...mistakes I’ve made, things I’ve said or done, time I’ve wasted.

Often it can be good to spend time thinking about our past. We can learn from mistakes, take comfort from good times and be thankful for all that God has done.

But sometimes we can think too much about our past. We hold onto weights and baggage that we need to leave behind. We define who and what we are now by where we’ve come from or things we’ve done. We keep records of our mistakes and failures...and sometimes the mistakes and failures of others. And sometimes we just waste time when we could be thinking about the present or even the hope of the future.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14

What were you doing this time last year?

How has God worked in your life in the last 12 months?

What do you look forward to in the future?

Impossible v Difficult

2011-03-17T12:44:00.005Z

Helen Skelton is a pretty amazing woman.

As I watched her walk 150m across a wire 66m in the air, I was impressed by her determination and ability to take on great challenges to help raise money for others. I was also slightly convicted by my sometimes lazy attitude and ability to find a long list of excuses!

Last year she kayaked the entire length of the Amazon river (just over 2,000 miles) again to raise money for others.

During her training for the tight rope walk, she spoke openly about the pain and struggles of the training and the mental attitude she had to develop to help her face the challenge. One thing she said that really touched me was that impossible and difficult are not the same thing. Meaning that just because the training she was going through was difficult did not make the challenge impossible. And because it was not impossible she was going to carry on working hard to meet the challenge and finish the task she set out to accomplish.

I began to think about that great verse in Luke 1:37 where it says

'For nothing is impossible with God'

and I thought about Helen's mantra - impossible and difficult are not the same thing.

That means that while nothing is impossible with God, it does not mean that nothing is difficult with God.

That's not so nice and encouraging now is it?!

I think sometimes we read the verse above and subconsciously assume that everything will be easy. But life is not easy...and it's not meant to be.

The bible says that we can grow and learn and be close to God even when life is difficult.

So, let's not be discouraged by the difficult times. Instead, let's face the challenges head on, with determination and hard work. Let's encourage one another and hold tight to God.

Remember impossible and difficult are not the same thing.

Juggling

2011-03-07T13:44:00.002Z

I'm the kind of person who made a real effort to iron her work outfit for today and lay it out ready last night so that I could go to bed feeling relaxed and chilled and have a better night's sleep in the knowledge that I was managing to keep on top of at least a small part of my life.

I'm also the kind of person who apparently has butter fingers and drops her lunch of beef and tomato stew, splashing it all up the front of her lovely ironed work outfit (which was not beef and tomato coloured) and now feels more than a bit daft sitting at her desk with red/orange splatter marks all over her!

Some days you just have to laugh because otherwise you'll cry!

If you're lucky I may take a picture of my handiwork and share it......

10 months old

2011-03-03T12:00:00.000Z

Can you see my top tooth just poking through?!

Having lots of fun on the swing for the first time!

My February 2011

2011-03-02T21:34:00.003Z

1. Inspirational graffiti

2. My regular brew now I'm back at work

3. An old Georgian tea shop next to the bus stop - shame it's not still there

4. Homemade pizza

5. Well, homemade pizza using this packet mix...a bargain at 29p!

6. Henna tattoo - I felt very rebellious!

7. Pretty pattern in my latte

8. The fog

9. Ethan's Valentine's present to us!

10. Refusing to sit down!

11. Watching tv

12. I love cakes!

13. What to play with next?!

14. Recovering from a tummy bug :(

15. Mighty mint growing on the windowsill

16. Pasta is yummy!

17. Beautiful rainbow

18. Waking mummy up at 6:30am!

19. Lovely Georgian architecture...and imagining I'm in a period drama!

20. Shattered!

Loving your story - part 2

2011-02-23T09:32:00.000Z

It's no secret that I love lists...

So, following on from yesterday's post I decided to write a list of some of the things that I love about my story...as a way to help me focus on the good things I have and great things God has done in and for me.

1. I love God

2. I love my husband and my beautiful son.

3. I love my family. And I know that they love me.

4. I love my friends - although I'm not always as good a friend as I could be

5. I love church. I am extremely fortunate to be part of a great church with a great vision and great people who really encourage you and accept you as family.

6. I love where I live - Edinburgh. Although sometimes (most of the time) the weather isn't as lovely as it could be!

7. I love and am very grateful that I can make mistakes and still be loved.

8. I love that God can do more than I can ever think, hope or imagine!

9. I love that I can be part of what God can do.

10. I love that God is revealing more and more of himself to me. And even though it's hard sometimes, I love that he is changing me, molding me, building me into the person he has created me to be and into someone who reflects his love and glory. I need to remember this more!

11. And I love the crocuses (crocii?) that have started springing up that remind me warmer days are coming! And in their honour I have coloured the numbers yellow and purple!

What do you love about your story?

Loving your story

2011-02-22T15:20:00.003Z

So, I was totally gonna write a completely different post about twitter and prayer and stuff...

But then I watched this, and my thoughts strolled (actually I think they skipped) down a different path and I wanted to share.

As I have said before on this blog, I love Jasmine Star. I love her passion for people and her art. I love her humility and desire to share and teach those around her. And I love her story.
Whenever I have watched the videos she has produced (see her website for some more) I have found it hard not to love her story. I have found it hard not to love her.

As her latest film came to an end, I found myself thinking about how great her story is and how I would love to have a story like that. And look as glamorous in front of a camera like that! In other words, how I would love to have a life like that.

Then I stopped myself. I don't want to spend/waste my time loving someone else's life.
I want to love, enjoy, cherish, celebrate my own life.

So often, and so easily, I fall into the trap of comparison. Which only leads to envy, jealousy, coveting, bitterness, depression. I think it's something that women struggle with more than men and something that the modern, western, media-obsessed culture uses/exploits.

I am so blessed in so many ways, and I'm so excited about the potential and possibilities in my future. And I'm so glad that I can give God the control and allow the story he has already written for me come to be.

I love that we can love each others' stories and cheer and encourage each other on. I love that we can write our stories together, not alone.

I pray that today, and every day, I learn to love my story as it unfolds. Every second, every minute, every moment, every opportunity.
And I pray that I learn to uplift and encourage those around me as they live out their stories too.

2

2011-02-17T18:33:00.002Z

Two years ago today I wrote my first post on this here blog-thingy.

Two years! My how it's flown by!

I had planned to post more interesting and exciting things this week but so far things have been more than a little crazy.

We've had a very poorly boy, who was sent home from nursery twice and spent a couple of hours in the hospital last night. Not something I hope to repeat often.

And work has been a rollercoaster of deadlines and tears. Not my finest week!

So today has mostly involved lots of cuddles, children's tv and period drama dvds (Wives and Daughters...my favourite)

Anyhow, that's life I suppose.

Here's to some better days ahead x

Yes...

2011-02-14T13:32:00.000Z

...I love church!

That is all x

Big Word Wednesday #13

2011-02-09T14:28:00.005Z

If I'm honest, I really struggle with criticism and being questioned.
Even if I know its coming or I agree with the other person. Even though I know its healthy and not usually meant as the personal attack I take it as!

After spouting on about whether or not we are 'relevant' to non-Christians, I was questioned as to whether that is actually what we should be seeking. After listening to the discussion from a different point of view and a different level of wisdom, I had to admit that my previous assurances where a little off track.

Relevant
1. having some sensible or logical connection with something else
2. having some bearing on or importance for real-world issues, present-day events, or the current state of society

I think in the church, we have taken being relevant to mean being cool or being similar to the world. We have tried to incorporate modern technology and modern culture into the way we do church and do life, so that those outside the church will see something they recognise.

Instead our lives should be relevant to others by the way we connect ourselves to them. And by the way they then become connected to God through us.
By living a life that clearly demonstrates the importance of God's love, his grace, mercy, kindness in every situation, we will demonstrate how important God is today. When we allow God to have an impact on every aspect of our life, we become relevant because we live out the Kingdom of Heaven on earth today. We show those around us how God is in the 'now' and also the 'not yet'.

When we seek to be relevant, we focus on the world around us. We look for ways to make sense in the world's terms.

When we seek first his kingdom, we place our focus on God.
When we look for ways to show his love (grace, mercy, kindness) we start to make sense in God's terms. We become so attractive and fascinating to the world that the world becomes desperate to know more. The world longs to see God in the 'now' and learns to anticpate the 'not yet'.

Then we become relevant.

naive tragedy

2011-02-07T12:43:00.008Z

So, Brian Houston just tweeted this...

and it just made me go 'yes!' inside.

I'm a girl with a simple faith. I believe in God. And I believe that God can do great, amazing, miraculous things because he says he can, and because he has done in the past and he doesn't change. I choose to believe in the smallness of me and in the greatness of God.

There are some situations going on around me at the moment and I feel as though it is the 'norm' to just accept that things are going to be the way they are. But in my heart I don't want that. In my heart I long to see the things that could be.

I want to see restoration.
I want to see redemption.
I want to see wholeness.
I want to see love.

I believe that these things are possible because I believe in a God that wants to see these things too. And I believe in a God who has the power, love, grace and kindness to bring these things into our situations and our lives.

God's gifts to us are hope in things we do not see, and an ability to change with his help.

Some people might say that I'm naive. But I think I'd rather be this way than complacent, or apathetic, or sceptical.
I hope I never stop having hope and seeing how things could be.

What to do?

2011-02-07T09:30:00.003Z

So...

I haven't posted anything here for about a week but that doesn't mean I haven't wanted to.

I've had lots of thoughts about stuff and I thought about writing it here but then I changed my mind.

Because I've felt challenged by God a lot recently about many things, I've been wondering if my posts on here are always challenging too. I mean, that they're not always as positive and uplifting as they could be. That they might start to depress people!

So, I'm not sure what to do. Do I post my thoughts because that would be real and honest and may be a good reminder for me personally? Or do I keep my thoughts to myself so they only challenge/confront/question me?

Oh, I just don't know!

But I do know that I'm very much looking forward to cake this morning!
I love Monday morning cake time!

a quick shower

2011-02-01T10:24:00.003Z

I felt the drip on my face and I couldn't belileve it.
I was only 2 minutes from the nursery door...no umbrella and no rain cover on the buggy...when the heavens opened and we got wet. I dashed into a shop to put the rain cover on the buggy and keep at least one of us relatively dry. Then I headed out again with a much quicker pace.

As soon as I reached the nursery door it stopped.
My wet hair stuck to my forehead. The hair that I had, not so long ago, straightened and brushed. Now windswept, wet and totally unkempt.

I sat on the bus, still damp from the short shower, and I thought about the futility of some of the things I had done earlier that morning.
Straightening my hair had been a total waste of time!
Wearing my smart but not waterproof coat had been a bad decision.
But I was glad I had put my boots on...at least I had dry feet!

And I thought about how something as short and momentary as a 2 minute downpour can highlight the difference between the temporary and the eternal.

All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4: 15-18

9 months old...

2011-01-30T13:28:00.002Z

sorry about the snot!

Now crawling all over the place and pulling up on any piece of furniture he can!

me

2011-01-27T08:00:00.002Z

I'm the kind of person who...matches her socks...to each other, to her outfit, to the day (yes cake mondays are accompanied by socks with cupcakes!) even if no one else ever sees them.

I'm the kind of person who...has milk in her tea...even peppermint sometimes, but not camomile.

I'm the kind of person who...misses the bus stop because she's daydreaming!

I'm the kind of person who...could be better at keeping in touch.

I'm the kind of person who...cries at random things...happy things, sad things, songs, pictures, moments...pass me a tissue!

I'm the kind of person who...will teach her son to stick his tongue out because it's funny...and then regret it when he does it all the time!

I'm the kind of person who...tries to look for the beautiful in the every day...but sometimes need a bit of help.

I'm the kind of person who...always has dessert.

I'm the kind of person who...is actually quite shy...but still talks to much sometimes!

I'm the kind of person who...doesn't always know when to stop!

Big Word Wednesday #12

2011-01-26T09:26:00.002Z

Discombobulate
- to confuse or disconcert
- to upset, frustrate
- to throw into confusion

I don't know about you, but when I read some of the stories and parables that Jesus told, and the things that he did, I think that he must've caused a lot of discombobulation!

Let's just take a look at one example:
Luke 10:38-42

Martha opens up her home to Jesus and the disciples. She was busy making sure that they had everything they needed. She was trying to be the hostest with the mostest! She thought that Jesus would see all that she was doing and be pleased by it. But she was upset, frustrated.

Mary sits at Jesus' feet. Listening, absorbing his words.

Martha was confused. Why didn't Jesus tell Mary to help her sister? Why didn't he see all that she was doing?

Sometimes I get confused with God. I get frustrated when I think that I am 'doing' so much for him or 'have done' so much and wonder why he seems distant or I think he hasn't noticed.
We think it's so important to 'do', to 'achieve', to try and be everything. We strive, we struggle, we wear ourselves out.

But he doesn't call us to 'do' for him, he calls us to 'be' with him. That is the only thing we need.

But I still get confused between just 'being' and also being obedient and 'doing' the things God has called us to do. Totally discombobulated!

There are many other examples of when Jesus discombobulated throughout the gospels. Have a read!

money, money, money

2011-01-25T10:28:00.003Z

January is always a tough month financially.
This year there was way too much month for the money!

Even though it has been hard (really hard some days) God has continued to drop little blessings into our month to remind us that he's still there, he still cares, he knows what we're going through.

Some examples:
- we got a cheque in the mail from the tax man!
- one of Phil's colleagues found some money in a taxi they were sharing and was convinced it was Phil's and wouldn't let him leave without it. Phil was sure it wasn't his but hey, we're not gonna turn down a blessing!
- the m.o.t. on the car was due. When Phil phoned the garage to book it in they reminded him that we still had one m.o.t. left that we had prepaid for when we bought the car. So the actual m.o.t. was free!

I can't honestly say that I have had this perspective or this attitude about our finances all through January. There have been times when I got really angry with God. And there have been times when I have allowed bitterness and envy to creep into my heart.

But God knows I'm a work in progress and I'm so grateful now that I can see his hand over us.

Do you really struggle in January? How can you see God even in the hard times?

Playing in the park with Auntie Heather

2011-01-21T17:49:00.004Z

Big Word Wednesday #11

2011-01-19T10:33:00.002Z

Capitulation
1. the terms of surrender
2. the act of surrendering or yeilding

In financial markets, capitulation describes 'giving up' on the market or 'surrendering' to downward trends and pessimism to an extent which involves panic selling.

When we think of surrender we think of it in terms of 'giving up'. We think of loss. We think of failure. And it can make us panic.

Yet Jesus teaches us that His terms of surrender are different.

When we surrender to Him we gain. We find. We save.

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.
Matthew 16:25
(see also Matt 10:39, Mark 8:35, Luke 9:24-25, Luke 17:33 and John 12:25)

What are you holding onto that you need to surrender?
What things do you need to 'give up' in order to gain?

Faith by Spreadsheets?

2011-01-18T11:28:00.010Z

I spend a lot of my working days carrying out calculations of one type or another. They can be vital to a project and inform important decisions, such as whether to spend millions of pounds and protect people's homes or not. Making sure that the answer I give is correct, accurate, reliable can be immensely important.

That's why we build checks and verifications into the spreadsheets we use. And that's why I spent 2 hours yesterday trying to work out why I couldn't get my numbers to agree! The joys of technology!

As I took a break from the annoying warnings about my sums, I thought about how I had been asking the same thing of God.

I had requested verification. I wanted the same message, which would confirm the original message, but in a different way. Through a different person, written across the sky, in neon flashing lights! Then I would know for sure that it was correct. I would know that I could make important decisions based on this word because it had been validated, backed-up, proven.

But then where would my faith be?

My fear of failure was stopping me from stepping out just in case I was wrong. What if God hadn't said that to me? What if I was just hoping he'd said that to me?

Have you ever asked God to confirm what He has said to you?

When is it ok to ask for more, a sign, to test God's word? (Judges 6:36-40)
And when should we just step out in faith and not bow to our fears?

Cheeky face

2011-01-14T08:40:00.000Z

Big Word Wednesday #10

2011-01-12T10:39:00.002Z

Hello, and welcome to the return of 'Big Word Wednesday'!

Yippee! Hurrah! Woohoo! I hear you all calling from far and wide. Ok, so that may be an exaggeration, but I know that deep down you're secretly pleased to see BWW back! It's been nearly a year since our last BWW endeavours!

So, without further ado...

Asteroseismology

- is the science that studies the internal structure of pulsating stars by the interpretation of their frequency spectra

- these pulses provide information about the otherwise unobservable interiors of stars

Alright then. Where to begin?!

Now I'm no asterophysist or rocket scientist so I won't be giving any detailed lectures on the subject. But even my simple mind made an observation when I read about this.

Stars have a pulse.

Let me say that again. Stars have a pulse.

And this pulse, this heartbeat, can show us the internal structure of the star. What cannot be seen by the eye can be investigated by studying how the star 'beats'.

God knows our heart. And He knows how it 'beats'. He knows all about our unobservable interiors.

He also knows that our pulse, our heartbeat can affect how we shine and how we are seen by others. That is why He longs to restore us. He longs for our heart to beat in time with His. For our pulses to have the same frequency spectra.

Then, when our pulse is investigated, it will reveal God. Our core, our structure, our whole being will radiate God.

Let's shine like the stars and reveal God's heartbeat to the world!

Thanks to Alison for today's word.

Any other ideas for big words will be gratefully recieved!

Regression

2011-01-11T10:38:00.003Z

So, I'm back to work this week after a wonderful 9 months of full-time motherhood (well 1 month of waiting and 8 months of motherhood)! And with the return to work comes a very mixed bag of feelings.

I had a wonderful weekend at church spending some quality time with some quality ladies and a very quality God. God spoke to me in numerous ways about a variety of instances, circumstances, behaviours, attitudes, beliefs, hopes and dreams. And He began to 'de-mist' some of the fogginess that has covered the last few years.

In some areas of my life I feel I have been striving to move forward but have actually been regressing. I have struggled to understand why some things seemed so hard, like I was on a conveyer belt going the wrong way. 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. 1 step forward, 12 steps back!
But now I know that it's ok. That God is taking me back and stripping away the things that are not of Him. The lies I believed, the circumstances I allowed to influence me, the approval I seek from others.

Where I have been putting a plaster over the wounds and 'soldiering on', He has been opening the sores, cleaning the wounds properly (which hurts!) and allowing them to heal in the right way. Through lots of tears and blotchy faces (not attractive) He has been deepening and strengthening my roots in Him. Removing the rubble and building stronger foundations. And although it has been hard, I am so thankful that He loves me enough to take the time to get my heart right.

So, like I say, I'm back at work and in some ways it feels as though I have never been away. I am sat at the same desk, working on the same project, plugging the same data into the same spreadsheets. In fact, re-doing the exact same data I analysed before I left. See how I feel like things are regressing!!!

Planets!

2011-01-06T09:18:00.002Z

If you're feeling a bit out of kilter today...

...it maybe because of the additional gravitational pull of the small planet I'm growing on my lip!!!

I hate coldsores!

In other news...it's snowing again!

2011: One Word

2011-01-05T18:20:00.002Z

I've read a few blog posts over the last few days where the writers have elected a single word to define all they hope for in 2011. I've thought about what my 'one word' would be but struggled to settle on anything.

Then I read this:

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

And I decided that this was what I wanted to learn/experience/truly understand in 2011.

I can't sum it up in one word but I want to shed my timidity, which holds me back in so many ways. I want to learn to be bold. Not brash or arrogant. But bold and confident in the one who created me and who has big fat audacious plans for me!

So watch out 2011...here I come!

Resolutions

2010-12-23T13:20:00.003Z

If I'm honest I don't usually make resolutions at New Year. Last year, however, I thought that maybe I should.

Although looking back I kinda wish I hadn't bothered. I suppose that's what happens when you have a baby and your life gets turned upside down. In other words, I totally failed at my resolutions for this year!

So this year...

Well, I have decided to have only one resolution/prayer/hope for the coming year.

"Go ahead God, inconvenience me, disturb me, use me."

If you haven't seen 'The Nativity' on the BBC then I strongly recommend that you try to see it. Tonight is the last episode of a 4 part series and it tells the story beautifully. Even though I know the story I have been sat on the edge of my seat completely enthralled.

It has really made me think about Mary's role in the story and her willingness to be used by God despite the pain and suffering and inconvenience it meant to her personally. And it has revealed to me how wonderful God is at creating stories which take ordinary people and give them purpose...supernatural, extraordinary purpose.

If I ask for one thing next year it is to be part of God's story here on earth today. Because I know that it will be nothing less than beautiful, enthralling, full of purpose.

For nothing is impossible with God.

I am the Lord's servant, Mary answered. May it be to me as you have said.

Luke 1:37-38

Nearly 8 months

2010-12-19T19:54:00.001Z

Expanding, Being Everything and Being Unsure

2010-12-17T20:30:00.003Z

I live in this place where I'm not what I was, but I'm not yet who I want to be. So I just kinda 'hang', waiting for something to happen, something to change. Waiting to become what I see in my mind.

But what if the image I have of what I'm meant to be is wrong, misinformed, distorted?

How do I sift through the endless list of 'ideals' to find which ones are actually me? And why do I have a list of excuses and other people to blame for anything that doesn't match up to my ideals.

The first person on my 'blame list' is usually me but that's because I'm very self critical.

For example, I'd love to read more, sew more, write more, study more, fellowship more. I end the week and find that I haven't managed to do anything more than usual. If I'm honest I've realised I'm naturally a lot lazier than I'd like to think I am (but I'm currently putting a lot of that down to really enjoying my maternity leave and having a very cute and distracting son!)

But I have to wonder whether I want to do all these things because I see others achieving so much and begin the comparison game (the one that no one ever wins). The more I compare the more I try to become everything I see in others and the more I become unsure about what and who is really me.

So, in order to expand on my previous post...and before I go on so long I bore even myself...I'm currently sitting in a place where I feel a bit mixed up. I know that I'm not what/who I used to be but I also know I'm not what/who I want to be. But I don't know how to get there and if there is even the right place to be going. In short, I don't think I've really completely figured out who I am...or have completely defined it yet.

Which is why this post by Bianca both inspires me and challenges me.

I pray that I will 'be who I is' day by day as I learn more about 'who I truly is'.

And one day I hope to inspire others to 'be who they is' too.

Mixed up

2010-12-17T15:30:00.004Z

If I'm honest I'm a bit of a mix up at the moment. I haven't written anything on here for a few reasons. As soon as I think of something to write about I then have a conflicting thought and decide not to write about anything. You see, I'm a little mixed up.

Maybe it's the weather (maximum temperature of -8C today people...freezing!!) or the fact that I can't believe I'll be returning to work in about 3 weeks (which brings up mixed feelings).

Anyway, I hope to get back to some kind regular posting soon. And hopefully some photos too!

It may look pretty...

2010-12-09T09:38:00.001Z

...but it's absolutely freezing!!!

I'm not a celebrity...

2010-12-07T14:14:00.002Z

..but I have been sucked into watching a certain reality jungle themed tv show!

I've only caught bits of it, but enough to follow what's been going on. As I watched the post-final-this-is-what-happened-after-it-finished-show (they don't half managed to drag things on!) it struck me how all the participants had grown together. How they had come to appreciate and need each other.

Without the comforts and securities of their normal lives, I saw people learning to live together in community. People of different ages and backgrounds, with varying life experiences, sharing all the ups and downs of life in difficult circumstances. Helping each other, supporting each other, listening to each other.

But it only happened because they were made to spend time together. There was no hiding behind walls, no running away, no pretending.

How different would our communities be if we chose to spend time with each other? If we exposed our real selves and allowed others to do the same too. If we stopped hiding behind our comforts and securities. If we shared all of our lives even in the difficult times.

And we don't even need to eat bugs or sleep in the jungle to start!

The view...

2010-12-01T21:42:00.002Z

...although this doesn't accurately show just how much snow we've had in the last few days!

Proof

2010-11-21T10:36:00.001Z

that I'm a very funny person!

Finding mummy very funny! from Lindsay English on Vimeo.

Sorry for the poor quality. It was taken at night on my mobile phone...just had to get the moment!

Hormental

2010-11-05T14:06:00.003Z

I was the raging bull and anything he said was the red rag. I wanted a battle and I wanted to win, and apparently I didn't care how much pain I inflicted in the process.

How is it that a few chemicals can turn us from a calm, graceful, gentle swan to a honking, biting, chasing goose?!?!

And why is it we (I) only realise we're being totally horrible and unreasonable after the event?! After the verbal punches have been thrown.

How do I, as a woman wanting to reflect God's love and grace to the world, show the fruit of the spirit when my hormones are making me spit venom? When the only self control I display is eating one tub of ice cream not two.

I think next month I'll just lock myself away for a few days! With the ice cream!

Sucker punched

2010-10-22T16:04:00.002+01:00

Just as He had my attention He delievered the blow. And it hurt.

Sometimes, when God is trying to tell me something He says it numerous times. Even when it's something I think I already know. Especially when it's something I think I already know.

But twice in 5 minutes has got to be a new record!

Just as I came to a realisation about a few things in my life I read the words that literally winded me. And they hurt. Because I knew they were right.

What I'm lacking right now is not the vision. It's not the direction or the effort. But the desire.
The desire that outweighs comfort. The desire that overcomes insecurities. The desire that only God can give.

And the desire that I need more than anything else if I am to truly follow Jesus.

The Numbers Game

2010-10-05T14:06:00.002+01:00

There everywhere. You just can't get away from them. But when did they start to rule our lives?

Not all numbers are create equal it would seem. We give some far greater importance than others. Take the ones that stare back at you from the scales or the labels on your clothes. Or the ones that appear on your bank statement. Or even the ones that tell you how many 'friends' you have online.

When did these numbers change from being a matter of fact to something we allow to define us, and even control our decisions? And why do we see some numbers as 'better' than others?

Playing the game is hard. We want some numbers to be smaller...others to be bigger? Will we ever find the right balance?!

Maybe there's a reason why the things that are most important in life cannot be measured numerically...love, kindness, health, happiness, peace, grace.

Fall...

2010-09-29T18:03:00.002+01:00

So, September has almost been and gone and I feel as though I've completely missed it.

The temperature has dropped, the leaves are turning various shades of yellow, orange and red, and the night arrives quicker every day.

I've been more than a little distracted from blogging this month due to some sad family news. But there have been many wonderful moments this month too.

My amazing partner-in-crime celebrated another year of his life and Ethan has continued to bless us in many many ways. I hope to update/bore you with many photos soon.

Personally and spiritually I feel that I am letting myself down a little (ok, more than a little) but God has been so gracious and has surrounded me with some great and encouraging friends, old and new. I'm hopeful that this autumn, as the leaves begin to fall, my faith and fervour will not.

xxx